Wednesday, June 6, 2012

a public pep talk

this is what I am saying to myself today


Hey Girl,


You have been gaging your level of okay-ness by public misdeeds.  You figured you would know when you lost your mind by all of the obvious signs: running down the street naked, spending every penny you have on Easter candy and mystery books, punching a person in line at Target, shaving your head for sport, etc.  You figured since you are clothed, paying the bills, keeping your hands to yourself, and putting your dirty hair in a ponytail you must be making it.  And that's all true, Lady.  You are making it.


Sometimes it doesn't feel so obvious.  That's okay too.  A couple of days the dogs came in the house with a dead animal.  Legs were hanging out of one dog's mouth.  Legs.  Then that dog came into your house.  Mind.  Lost. But you made it.  You so made it.  


Yes you screamed a lot of bad words, put your head against the back door and cried, closed your eyes, and whispered, "I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this." And then you looked at those dogs with all of the hate in your heart, locked the door (instead of putting them in the house as intended), got Harper in the car and left.  You helped your sister with something and acted like a mostly functioning person.


You went to Wal-Mart.  Shudder.


And that's what making it looked like that day.  You nailed it.  


So you couldn't fix that thing you thought you could and sat on the floor and cried instead.  Then you got Harper a drink of water and ate some chips.  Your daughter usually brushes her teeth.  One day won't leave permanent damage.  Most days you feed her fruits and vegetables. Here is the bottom line: you are making it even when you feel like you're not. Eat your chips. 


You are leaning on a lot of people.  They are good, good people and they will keep letting you.  It isn't pretty.  There is a lot of swearing.  You're making it.


Love,
Molly

17 comments:

Pipsylou said...

Amen. Amen. If it makes you feel any better I looked totally homeless and smelled like sweat today. Minute by minute you're doing this.

Jessica Blake said...

you are so beautiful.

Kelsey said...

Oh my, those damn dogs. Don't they know that their job right now is to be perfect and snuggle with you and delight Harper and be an extra security system and NOT bring dead things into your house? Friend, I would have lost it, too. There would have been much cussing. Legs. Oh, Molly.

But let me tell you, if you ran down the street naked, I would run after you with a sheet or a towel or something for you to wrap around yourself once you regained your senses. And if you spent all your dollars on Easter candy, I would go buy you some more Reese's eggs and give you $10. And if you punched someone in Target, I would add a sucker-punch because that guy/lady probably deserved it. And if you shaved your head for sport, I would compliment you on the beautiful shape of your skull and tell you how hair is overrated and now there's one less thing to take care of. And maybe I would even let you shave mine off, too. But only if you really wanted to.

My friend, you are making it with such grace and humor. Stupid-ass dogs and all.

(Sorry for adding to the swearing. You started it.)
Love you SO much!

brit said...

from an anonymous reader, I am still praying for you daily harper and molly!

WavyBel said...

Bless your sweet and funny heart, Molly. How is it that you can make me laugh when I know you are hurting so much?! You are making it. And you will continue to make it.

Oh and if it makes you feel better, my kids don't always brush their teeth every day either. In fact, I'm pretty sure they haven't brushed them since church on Sunday morning. Not a lie! And I just ate half a bag of chips myself... at 11:33 pm :)

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Sorry Molly... that last comment was from me! I was still signed in on Wavybel for comment moderation and forgot to switch accounts before commenting. Sorry :)

LA said...

You are incredible. And most definitely making it.

Linnea said...

Oh Molly. My heart hurts for you and Harper. I think about you almost daily. I am so sorry. Minute by minute..second by second if you have to you are making it. Things we never thought we would do or eat (popcorn chicken at walmart) we do. Its ok to do those things there is no textbook way to act. I hate that this happened to you.
Blessings

Ashlee
http://continuingourjourney.blogspot.com/

Jess said...

You ARE making it!
If you weren't, those same people would still love for you to lean on them, I'm sure.

And I want to be friends with Kelsey.

Jess said...

I was just thinking that my dog doing that one act alone, would probably put me in the "not making it" catagory. I think you are doing pretty well....even if today is a different story.

Julie said...

Molly,

I am a stranger that happened upon your blog. Just from the little I can gather from your written word, I know you are making it. You are making it with more grace than most could even hope for. I am sending so many prayers your way. I hope you feel the weight of my prayers surrounding you like a warm blanket on a cold night. Keep healing.

Julie (a mom in kcmo)

Jami Nato said...

good. offing. post.

Vanessa said...

Continued prayers daily for you all! I'm proud of you for posting this! Just one other way that you are making it!

Doublemint Designs said...

You are so making it! And you are such an amazing blogger!!!!! I check in every day....EVERY DAY! I know the Lord is taking care of you, and will continue to....and I must say, I anxiously await the day I log on and see that something so incredibly wonderful has happened to you and your sweet daughter. I'm talking like 300 million lotto winners wonderful! haha Carry on girl! You are strong beyond my comprehension!

bri-bri said...

i'm really sorry about the legs. eek. really proud of you for making it and for public pep talks. and i would still carry you around in a backpack if you wanted me to. i love you.

Beth Bell Killian said...

Molly -- I don't read blogs. And I don't know you. But I read your blog. And this post...well...this post is "making it" at its finest. Thank you.

AlyM said...

Molly,

You are making it- and amazing so many in the process. You are an inspiration to me. Someday we will understand why we endure all of the pain in life that we do, until then, you ARE making it. God bless you girl. May you find some kind of special miracle every day.

Aly