Friday, June 29, 2012

pep rally

In twenty four hours I am closing the books and locking up shop with this month this year.  A few days ago I mentioned how hard June has been.  I wish you all could experience first hand what I did after I put up those words.  People supported me like no other.  I felt like I was the recipient of the best pep rally I have ever been to.  It was crazy.  I know that has been happening.  It's been happening since the phone rang April 1st and I went to the hospital.  But I felt like I had the wherewithal to see it happen these last few days.

I have felt people praying for me.  I have been in such a better way.  I have sang happier songs, looked people more in the eye, and felt fresh hope brewing up in me.  I have been feeling those prayers.  I have gotten notes, texts, emails, and letters (I love when people encourage me).  People have left funny and empowering comments that I have read over and over.  Dear friends fed me, sent me presents, brought me groceries, delivered red velvet ice cream (did you know that existed?  I had no idea.  I'm a changed woman).  People I don't know said that I matter; they care about me, and they are praying for Harps and I.

A while ago I was talking to a lady I admire like crazy.  She wrote me the nicest thing and I wrote it down.  She said, "you're out in the middle of the river, holding onto a log.  All of us out on the riverbanks are cheering you on.  We can't get into the water to try to grab you; you have to fight to stay afloat yourself.  It must be a lonely fight.  Just don't forget the ringing of our cheers in your ears."  June felt like a lonely fight.  I had hard days to get through that I needed Matt for.  But then I heard those good cheers ringing in my ears.  And things felt much, much better.  Thank you.


Katie said...

Cheering, praying, thinking of you often even though we haven't seen each other in years. You amaze, Molly!

Jess said...

I love it when i check your blog before i go to bed and youve posted! I always tell myself I'm not going to post everytime, but then I do... everytime (insert eyeroll). I have blogged, so I know how wonderful comments are. I can imagine how important they are when you blog about the crap you have to blog about.

My heart has been happier since I saw you this week. You seemed like you were hearing the cheers and that makes me warm inside.

Keep paddling Molly! The cheers may fade when the water hits your ears, but there are still many, many people cheering for you and we're not going anywhere for a long time!

Pipsylou said...

I'm a big douche! (Hope you are laughing, with that visual) Anyway, I read your last entry and had a bunch to say and then I was writing and deleting and writing and deleting and then I thought, "If you're going to sound like an ass, don't say anything at all!"

Anyway. Yes...we're all cheering for you. And I can't really get what having to "go through the motions" is like when you've lost your best friend and SO many other things, but I'd imagine it's pretty horrible.

So, yes. I am cheering you on. An aside: I got some cute dresses yesterday you would be proud of. I always dress like I am very English and severe, and I admire your fashion abilities, so I thought I should tell you this.

Hang onto the log. And yes, isn't hope amazing??????

Hope is always there, even if you don't feel it some days. I imagine hope as a long-lost friend, the kind you forget to send a birthday card to, etc. - she's just waiting in the corner for you to remember she exists. When you do, she's the first one there, all licking your face like a golden retriever, and your best friend again, and she forgets ALL about your indiscretions with her archnemesis, despair. She knows you'll probably forget her again, but it will only be temporary, and you'll be back, longer stretches each time.

I love Hope.

Kelsey said...

Your friend is very smart and very eloquent. Ra-ra! Ra-ra-ra! Cheering you on with my toes in the water!

Get outta here, June. Your days are done! (Literally!)

Love you!

Jami Nato said...

cheerleader outfit on. with a muffin top. but it's on.

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

I wondered if you could "hear" the chanting and cheers because I felt like I could "hear" them for you! Glad I'm not the only one who can "hear" the crowd of people sitting on the river bank encouraging, supporting, and praying you through this journey!

And really? I had no idea about the Red Velvet Ice Cream. But given that Ice Cream is my very favorite food on earth and Red Velvet cake is a close 2nd, I must find some of this soon!

katherine said...

Molly, I am another one of the thousand (probably more!) cheerleaders who you have never met. We have several mutual friends and I have wept and prayed for and with you over the last few years. I am amazed, inspired and thankful for your life and that you live it vulnerably here on your blog. The path you have walked the last few years is beyond my comprehension and for you to be honest about it all and your feelings and yet still trust in God and his goodness, is a testimony to the God we serve and your strong faith. Keep on, keeping on and the rest of us will continue to pray for you and your sweet girl.