Monday, March 19, 2012

sooner or later it's bound to go down -- just like this

You know when people have those crazy stories where they declare something online and then it happens?  Some kind of internet daydream turned reality?  I JUST read several accounts of people saying that they wished something would go down a specific way and then it happened JUST LIKE THAT.  So I thought I should jot down some notes about my own desires -- wouldn't it be the best if right after they were recorded on the tomes of the internet I got to come back and say wow it happened to me?

**insert harp strumming segue and images with cloudy edges**

Tuesday, March 20th I would be going about my business when my phone would ring.  A number that looks familiar but that I can't quite place comes across caller ID.  It's our agency.  We've been placed.  A child will be born May 5th and the birth family has picked us to be the parents and big sister.  I cry and gasp and cry.  I happen to be looking fabulous in these shoes that I would like to own.  
I pick up Harper from school.  Since getting off the phone with our agency I have called the sleep clinic at Children's Mercy and postponed her appointment.  In this particular scenario her insomnia isn't turning anyone into a zombie.  We go tell Matt at work using fun props like gigantic balloons and funny t-shirts.  We all cry and jump around.  He leaves work and we go meet the birth family for coffee.  It's a match made in heaven.  We all love each other. 

Next we embark on an all expense paid shopping spree getting some new baby bedding and spring clothes.  We're laughing and gaily throwing things in the cart.  Wipes, diapers, crib sheets, merriment.  Maybe Matt is wearing some good looking glasses I've never seen before.  Harper's favorite song is playing over the speakers and she has a sweet dance routine going for the other shoppers while we check out.  

We go to bed and every person sleeps well in her own bed.  When we wake up the next morning we realize it was all real and proceed accordingly.


Monday, March 5, 2012

patience is a virtue (that I'm not interested in)

When we were battling to keep our little girl we spent more than two years in court.  It was painful in a way that I cannot describe.  

Since well before we lost Waverley we have been ready to add another child to our family.  It's Springtime in the year 2012.  Waiting? Yeah.  I'm over it.  

Currently there is nothing happening with this adoption.  We are just waiting to be matched.  I heard a man that I think is brilliant say recently that to wait is actually an action step.  Waiting is a verb not a noun.  I thought it sounded good at the time, but in this moment I am ready to start shaking people and scream at anyone who will listen that we are TIRED of waiting.  I want to be a mom to more than one child again.  I am over waking up each morning thinking that today must be the day we will get the phone call we've been longing for.

I know a lot of people that are waiting for the same exact thing.  I know it is hard for all of us.  I know it's hard for people that are waiting each month to find out they're pregnant.  That's just the way it goes.  I understand completely that I don't have a monopoly on waiting.  The thing I am becoming concerned about is that I am going to become jaded, ugly, and bitter in my heart.  I don't want to think I am entitled to something because of our other experiences or that I deserve something good.  Neither of those things are true.  Nothing is owed to me.  Sometimes knowing that and feeling that are two different things.  So this is my confession for today.  I am praying by acknowledging that I will be able to keep my wrong thinking at bay.

I was playing Barbies with Harper yesterday (to assuage my guilt over not playing with her more often) and she had set up a family with a mom and a dad and two kids.  The mom and dad slept in bunk beds she had fashioned for them.  Just like married couples use in real life.  She is so observant.  The dad's brother announced that he wanted to get married that day.  So the mom's best friend came over to the dream house and told this guy that she was available to get married that afternoon.  Then this woman proclaimed her virtues to the bachelor.  "I love God with my whole heart, and I have great manners.  Would you like to marry me?"Of course he was in.  How could he not be?

So on the off chance that a woman who is considering placing her child for adoption is reading this, or if you are a person who knows such a woman, I just want to say, we are a family that loves God with our whole hearts, and we have great manners.  Please consider us.

Much love,

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Whiskers On Kittens

Good Things That I am Enjoying Lately (in no particular order):

Being Friends With Babies -- I am happy to be enjoying a relationship with several babies right now.  There is a young man in my life (8 months old) that is quite agreeable and happy in general.  I like to pretend like he is directing that straight at me.  I just love and adore him.  I get to see quite a bit of him along with the rest of his family.  This pleases me.  I am also spending time Monday through Thursday with a friend of mine who has a two year old and baby twins born 11-11-11.  That means sometimes I hold two babies AT ONCE.  I take Harper with me and she has the sweetest, warmest voice she reserves just for babies.  It is so precious.  She frequently asks me when she gets to have a baby of her own at our house.  I am asking the same question.  We are so ready.  If you are a pray-er please pray that we have such a babe soon.

Cadbury Chocolate Eggs -- once a year a marvelous confection comes to the store and stays until Easter.  I'm talking about candy-coated eggs made of delicious milk chocolate.  They are stupidly expensive but worth the indulgence.  Hold on while I eat a few.  Magic.

My Oily Face -- I have started washing my face with oil.  Castor oil and sunflower seed oil to be specific. You massage it in for a few minutes then steam it off with a warm wash cloth.  Make up is easily removed.  You just do it and night and just use a little water in the morning.  It is a part of my night time ritual that I really look forward to.  I didn't wash my face at night for a couple of years (sorry, Mom) and I feel glad to get back to it.  I am also about to start washing my hair  with a baking powder potion, and I am quite liking the journey towards using some things around the house and in my beauty regimens that are more simple and natural. I'm happy to report these things also end up being super cheap.  Double win.

Downton Abbey -- Well, it's over now.  I am pining for the third season already.  If you haven't watched this show you need to.  Find the first season streaming on Netflix or check it out from the library.  It's not they type of thing I would typically fall for, but I miss the characters like they are my friends.  Which is totally lame; I realize this.

Reading -- Oh the happiness of a good book.  Of late I have enjoyed The Night Circus (I can't remember the author), Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist, and The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella.  Right now I am tackling The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard which is great but makes my brain hurt.  

Mama-ing Harper -- The word "mothering" sounds so doldrum doesn't it?  I am having a great time watching her mind at work.  She is delightful at every moment.  Except for the moments when she is whining or pouting.  Which thankfully is not too often.  She loves chapter books about fairies, the Wild Kratts on PBS, playing with her Barbies, clothes with a little bit of sparkle, clothes with a lot of sparkle, and crossing things off of her check-lists.  I recently had my wisdom teeth out and she was quite the nurse.  She kept coming into my room asking me what I needed, bringing me things, touching my cheeks, and peering at me with concern.  The first night after the extraction she told me to wake her up in the night if I needed anything.  Then she whispered to Matt and told him not to be grumpy if I woke him up.  This was both kind and astute of her :)  This morning I had a headache and she made certain I would be okay without her before she left for school.  She is such a care taker.  She plays with her "kids" aka dolls and they are forever in trouble.  They can really exasperate her.  They don't have names unless you put her on the spot at which point she will come up with a good name on the fly.  Like Donna.  Or Jasinkaty. You know.  Standard stuff.

Quiet Moments Preparing for Easter -- in this time of Lent I am intentionally taking some down time to focus on the significance of this season.  I am trying to experience the beauty and sweetness of it.  It's a time of pain that ends in joy.  A time of renewal.  A whole season leading up to the exclamation "He is risen indeed!"  I want to engage in the hope and promise found in the story completed.  

Life is full of goodness because He is good.  I hope you are experiencing some of that goodness yourself.