Monday, March 5, 2012

patience is a virtue (that I'm not interested in)

When we were battling to keep our little girl we spent more than two years in court.  It was painful in a way that I cannot describe.  

Since well before we lost Waverley we have been ready to add another child to our family.  It's Springtime in the year 2012.  Waiting? Yeah.  I'm over it.  

Currently there is nothing happening with this adoption.  We are just waiting to be matched.  I heard a man that I think is brilliant say recently that to wait is actually an action step.  Waiting is a verb not a noun.  I thought it sounded good at the time, but in this moment I am ready to start shaking people and scream at anyone who will listen that we are TIRED of waiting.  I want to be a mom to more than one child again.  I am over waking up each morning thinking that today must be the day we will get the phone call we've been longing for.

I know a lot of people that are waiting for the same exact thing.  I know it is hard for all of us.  I know it's hard for people that are waiting each month to find out they're pregnant.  That's just the way it goes.  I understand completely that I don't have a monopoly on waiting.  The thing I am becoming concerned about is that I am going to become jaded, ugly, and bitter in my heart.  I don't want to think I am entitled to something because of our other experiences or that I deserve something good.  Neither of those things are true.  Nothing is owed to me.  Sometimes knowing that and feeling that are two different things.  So this is my confession for today.  I am praying by acknowledging that I will be able to keep my wrong thinking at bay.

I was playing Barbies with Harper yesterday (to assuage my guilt over not playing with her more often) and she had set up a family with a mom and a dad and two kids.  The mom and dad slept in bunk beds she had fashioned for them.  Just like married couples use in real life.  She is so observant.  The dad's brother announced that he wanted to get married that day.  So the mom's best friend came over to the dream house and told this guy that she was available to get married that afternoon.  Then this woman proclaimed her virtues to the bachelor.  "I love God with my whole heart, and I have great manners.  Would you like to marry me?"Of course he was in.  How could he not be?

So on the off chance that a woman who is considering placing her child for adoption is reading this, or if you are a person who knows such a woman, I just want to say, we are a family that loves God with our whole hearts, and we have great manners.  Please consider us.

Much love,


Stef Ryan said...

While we're only starting the waiting process for our third adoption, and have never been through a situation like the one you had with Waverley, I can so relate to how maddening waiting can be. We were lucky both times with the period we had to wait, but each time it felt like YEARS. Hang in there. Sending positive thoughts your way and hoping that the wait is over soon. :)

Jessica Blake said...

What MORE could you want in a wife? or a family? Loving God and manners!
You're right, you're not owed good things...but Jesus just gives good's just what he does. It's so wonderful of Him. So, i'm praying that he would give good gifts to a more timely manner please. :)

ashe said...

One of my current sources of solace after two years of waiting. Hoping it can be the same for your sweet family.

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown, something new.
Yet it is the law of all that progress is made
by passing through some stages of instability
and that may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on
as though you could be today what time
-- that is to say, grace --
and circumstances
acting on your own good will
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new Spirit
gradually forming in you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
--Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a 20th century theologian, paleontologist, biologist, and philosopher.

Pipsylou said...

I tried to post on this the other night. Can you email me your real mail address? What I sent to you got sent back, and it was quite funny. :(