Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Tooth Fairy and His Goodness

Well we have some huge news...  At least through Harper's eyes.  

She lost her first tooth.  

Aunt Wink wiggled it out.  Which was fine by me because, frankly, I consider the whole affair to be disgusting.  That tiny tooth is creepy, the bloody kleenex, the rawness of those gums...  Whew.  I pause in typing to shudder.  ANYWAY! Yay! She lost her tooth!  So the tooth fairy is slated to come that night.  

Harper leaves this note.

She had informed me a few days prior to this that when the tooth fairy comes she takes the tooth, turns it into fairy dust, and sprinkles it over the child to ensure sweet dreams.  Good to know!  After Harps is asleep I run to Michaels and purchase pink tinsel glitter and teeny star confetti.  Later that night we remove the tooth (bleh), leave the cash prize, and I go to town with the fairy dust.  I went to sleep feeling so proud of myself.  

"This is fun!" I thought as I smugly drifted off.
"I'm a great mom!" I congratulated myself with a small smile and closed eyes.
"I'm making a great memory for her!" I cheered for myself as I rolled over and slept.

Pride comes before the fall.

I awoke to, "Mom.  The tooth fairy came. She went crazy in my room." 


Harper went on to explain that it was just one small tooth which should have resulted in only a small amount of fairy dust.  I had liberally scattered it across both of her pillows and the note.  She was really put out.  I sighed inwardly and thought, "oh well.  It's just the stupid tooth fairy.  No big deal." However, to my daughter it was a big deal.  She called my mom and told her it was a "disaster."  She told her friends that when she woke up she "almost said a cuss word!" It went on and on.

On Christmas day Aunt Wink wiggled out the first tooth's next door neighbor.  Harper sang with great gusto "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" for all who would listen (mainly my Grandma Lord).  Well, this was thrilling!  Back to back nights of Santa and the Tooth Fairy who would surely redeem herself this time.

So on Christmas night Harper thoughtfully composed her second note.
(Please do not make too much dust, but still leave a little.)

You'll be so relieved to know that things went much better.  I know I was.

The whole reason I share this long tooth fairy story is to communicate that Harper is the best kid alive.  I am completely convinced of this.  I couldn't love her more than I do.  She makes the world an okay place to be.  Her amazing spirit and happiness are what got us through this holiday season.  She keeps asking when she is going to get another brother or sister.  She hopes it is a girl because then she would have two sisters.  This breaks my heart.  She keeps saying she hopes it happens soon.  In fact, all along I had been praying for a little one by Christmas, or by the end of 2011.  There are only four days left.  I don't think it will probably happen.  That's not to say it can't -- it just doesn't seem very likely.  Either way, I just want to say as we wrap up this season of celebrating Christ's birth, I do trust Him completely.  I know that He is good.  When I miss Waverley so much I can hardly see straight and my head is too heavy to lift up, when Harper cries for her sister and writes "I love Wavy" on a page she colors, when things feel unbearable, or when Harper cracks me up and fills me with lightness, or when I'm pretending to be a tooth fairy and getting bossed around by a demanding 5 year old, it's always the same -- God is good.

May the end of this year find you knowing the same.  I just want to say it one last time.  He is good.  He is so, so good.


Friday, December 23, 2011

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Christmas -- Joseph Style

Since Christmas is approaching I have had somebody on my mind.  Joseph.  As in Mary, Joseph, and Jesus -- that guy.  

First of all, are there any nobler men?  Are there any men more committed to honoring their wife than Joseph?  I contend that the answer is no.  I have been trying to be reverent and think about the story with awe and also think how this would play out in real life.  It's so wild.  Joseph finds out that his betrothed wife is pregnant.  He "was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly." Most people in his place would just get out.  Even if he was trying to be kind to her while thinking she had cheated on him, he could just divorce her outright.  She should have been on her own.  But even thinking he had been so wronged, my guy Joseph was thinking of what he could do for her.  How he could handle the situation well for her.  Then the angel comes to him in a dream and explains that he is to go ahead and marry Mary.  And that their son would save people from their sins.  He wakes up and does it.  I don't know anyone with faith like that.  That is wildly spectacular faith.  You go on, Joseph.

Secondly, let's look at something that makes my heart so happy.  You know all of those "begot"s at the beginning of Matthew where they are naming those in Jesus's lineage?  They include all the greats -- Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Ruth, David, Solomon... I'm clearly just hitting some highlights here.  And this is a big deal, right?  Since the beginning of the Bible God has been artfully spinning out this beautiful line of people and telling them that Jesus will belong to them and their family.  So then we get all the way to the end and of the line and it leads to Mary, the mother of Christ.  Except wait! No it doesn't!  This whole plan, the whole line up, all comes down to the end... and it's Joseph.  Isn't that one of the most glorious things you've ever known?  It's Joseph.  The man who marries the mother of the Savior.  The man who raises Jesus as his son but with no biological connection.  

Oh I love this business.  

I love the richness of the Christmas season.  I love the crazy and bizarre way things had to be done.  We didn't just get a middle class baby born into the most typical suburb of Bethlehem with an average upbringing in a life with relative ease.   We get a baby born to a virgin who was pregnant before her kind and loving husband married her in a time where that was anything but okay.  We have an infant born and sleeping in a barn because his family had nowhere to go.  We have an old testament's worth of good-guy Bible genes that culminated into the adoptive daddy of Jesus.  We have a Savior born into a turbulent world of hiding from a King that wanted him dead.  We have the wild and mysterious and true story of the Jesus that came to save us.  Don't you love this?  I am so excited to think on these things and celebrate Christmas with Matt and Harper.  This year there is a lot to be sad about at our house.  But I also know that there are some things that are unchanging, right, and true.  So I'm getting Christmas all up in my heart.  I'm believing all of these things to be true and telling the Lord that I'm all in.  Joseph style.

Merry Christmas to you and yours,

Sunday, December 11, 2011

My Life in Pictures

Life has kind of got me down right now.  This time of year is such a hard one.  There have been some great moments with Matt and Harper.  There has also been constant longing for my little girl.  I am once again skating by doing the bare minimum and trying to keep it together in front of Harper.  I feel worn out and empty from grieving.  

Instead of a wordy post I will now highlight a few things that have happened in the past month or so that have been nice.  

1.  I attended a gothic bride/star wars wedding.  That's right.

My friend looked beautiful in her black wedding dress and lacy red jacket.

The groomsmen wore storm trooper outfits.

 The groom had a mohawk and wore a special gothic black suit. (Sorry for the awful quality of these pictures.  I still felt like they were worth sharing.)

The wedding officiant dressed like Obe Wan Kanobe.

 The Cake.

I got to spend time with some of my favorite starbucks friends. 

2. Harper had a Thanksgiving program.  

She looked adorable. 

She had some solo performance time.

3.  I had a birthday.  

Matt surprised me with this delicious red velvet (my favorite) cake, cards from him and Harper, and a gift when I got home from work that night.

This card makes me happy because Matt said Harper picked it out without hesitation and would not consider any other options.  

 4.  We are all decorated for Christmas.
We have a real Christmas tree for the first time in our marriage.  Matt and Harps picked it out and brought it home.  Harper drank hot chocolate while Matt put the lights on.  We had a fire going, pups snoozing by the fire, Christmas music... it was quite lovely.  

So now you're all caught up!  I hope that if you are experiencing grief or loss this season that you are still able to experience God's peace and joy this season.  That's what we're working on around here.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

only to be with you

only to be with you is the title of the next blog you are going to become obsessed with.  

I used to volunteer for the organization I now work for.  Christian was on staff at that time.  This cool guy and his cool wife are collectively super cool.  They are both brilliant writers.  Their blog chronicles their journey to adopt their daughter from Ethiopia.  We are getting closer to the end of their journey as you can read about, but you should really go back and read the whole thing.  They speak so beautifully to the heart of adoption.  

The title of their blog is a line from the U2 song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.  Remember the words?
I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

Are you teary? I am.  Okay.  Stop reading this.  Go read that.