A Word on Pregnancy vs Adopting -- Alternately Subtitled, Why Adoption is 100% Amazing.
After a few heavy posts I wanted to write about something that to me feels a bit lighter. Please know going into it (because it's tricky isn't it? Knowing the tone of someone's words when they're all bald and matter of fact in front of you. Uhm, I meant the words were bald and not the writer.) that the tone of this is VERY light. And while I'm talking about something that is a very tender subject to some, please notice that this is not about infertility. It's not me saying: get over it. This is me specifically saying there are some parts of pregnancy that I feel pretty great about missing out on.
I am sure it is a beautiful thing to grow a baby inside of you. I am also sure you do not have to be the one growing it to appreciate the miracle of babies. I realize I am in the minority of women that haven't gotten pregnant that did not grieve over it. I have spent a lot of time thinking about what it is like to not experience pregnancy. I just want to say a few words to those who cannot or choose not to experience pregnancy themselves.
I don't think that beloved childrens' fathers, siblings, or grandparents feel like they have a diminished love for a child because it did not grow inside of them. Yes, I agree that a mother loves a child differently than these other people do. (Not better, just differently.) However, a biological connection is not necessary to experience that exact kind of love.
I am going to list, in my own opinion, some of the benefits that you receive as an adoptive parent. I am not saying that I made a decision to adopt based on these benefits. Nor am I suggesting that you do. I am simply saying, you might as well embrace some of the perks. Am I right? Caution: some words I am about to use are not for the faint of heart, some men, or young girls. I know I have a huge following of grade school aged girls. Me and Justin Bieber.
Things you can happily skip when you lovingly adopt a child:
*ALL OF THE UNPLEASANT PARTS OF PREGNANCY! And to be sure, there are MANY. I know there are a million pictures of people lovingly looking at the pregnant bellies. What no one's snapping up pictures of are nausea, constipation, heart burn, fatigue, swollen and crazy looking ankles, stretch marks, sleeplessness, the weird waddle, general discomfort, and weight gain in less desirable places than that cute tummy. Sure, a lot of people want a chance to get some of those cute Liz Lange maternity clothes, but let's face it. It's not all eating ice cream at midnight and warm smiles from the elderly.
*LABOR AND DELIVERY! I mean come on! I don't even need to say more. But I always do. So let's list: paper gowns pulled up to your midsection while a group of people are heavily involved in your business, epidurals (that's a shot in the spine, guys!) or the pain of natural child birth, epidurals gone wrong, guilt over taking pain meds, waiting too long and then not getting pain meds, episiotomies (!!!!!!!!!!), stitches in horrible places, c-sections, hearing everyone who has ever given birth's horror-laced delivery stories, lactation specialists, whew I will stop there.
*THE AFTERMATH. People who just went through the above are tired and sore when settling into life with a new baby. Not to mention losing baby weight. What if you could just settle in with that new baby feeling fresh and fit? Hey, you can. That's my point.
Things you can rejoice in when you lovingly adopt a child:
*A FRESH START! If Matt and I had biological children they would be horrible at math and alarmingly hairy. My body has a lot of ailments that confuse medical professionals and make me feel like an old lady, and Matt is grumpy for hours after he gets out of bed. Yeah, we've got a lot of bad stuff between us. People sometimes say, "Oh I just want someone who looks just like us running around." Or, "I just want to see what a child that my husband and I create together would look like..." In my heart I say, "What's so great about you?" This sounds really harsh. I'm simply saying, you are just two people. In the grand scheme of my life I don't know many people that have such model-quality good looks that the world would miss out on their biological creation. I do know that Matt and I were startled when Harper showed an aptitude towards math. Matt and I are dangerous when we're alone with numbers. Not our girl; she's amazing. In fact, she's good at a lot of things that we aren't. And she's good at a lot of things that we ARE. Because we taught her. Maximize the best of nature and nurture? Count me in!
*WE HAVE A GOD THAT SETS ALL THINGS RIGHT. I don't think I'm entitled to see it in all times and circumstances in my life. But that is a true statement. I'm saying it again. We have a God that will set all things right. I am a mom who needs a child. Matt is a dad who needs a child. Harper is a precious girl that needs a sibling. We are going to get together with a child that needs a family. How beautiful is that going to be? Please stay tuned and watch it happen. Man, I love my family. And man, I love that it is formed through adoption. This is the good stuff.
**I would just like to add one more note stating that I think a child in a family that loves her is a gorgeous thing no matter how it happens. The purpose of this post is NOT to negate the beauty of a family formed biologically. The purpose IS to promote the mindset that adoption is an awesome plan A and an incredible way to unite people as a family. Peace.**