Friday, September 9, 2011

How My Harper is Doing

This is just a quick note about one of the two most amazing girls on the planet.  Our daughter Harper.  She is one of the coolest little people you will ever meet.  I can't believe she is my daughter.  It makes me feel like God thinks I am really someone special if I get to be the mom to this girl.  

She is pretty much the only way I have gotten through the past year.  She is hilarious. She says things like "it's as hot as leather pants" when  the weather is hot.  One day she told me that angels can swoop out of Heaven like pteradactyls when they need to come to earth.  She is smart.  She is compassionate and kind hearted.  She wants to do things the right way.  She calls litter "glitter."  That means she has a fancy state of mind.  She sighs dramatically too often when asked to do things (just keeping it real) which I'm positive she picked up from me (damn.).  She loves make believe, and "writing books," and having important jobs (like stirring macaroni).  

Lately Harper has been pretty sad.  She misses her sister fiercely.  She has been talking about her sister non-stop lately.  She wants her to be in the bedroom next door ready to play with those little rubber princesses together.  She wants to hear her laughing at the dinner table.  She wants to sing in the car together.  She misses her and cannot be comforted.  "Nothing helps."  That's what she told me.  She also told me the other day that she hates adoption.  We were in the car and there was a lot going on.  Matt followed up with her an hour or two later.  She quietly cried and told him she hates adoption because it took her sister away because the judge wouldn't let us adopt her.  She doesn't just want to have a quick visit with Waverley.  She wants to have her sister back forever.  This is obviously not going to happen.  And it kills me.  It hurts me for all of us but oh how it destroys me to see Harps like that.   

If you are a person who prays for my family, will you please pray for Harper?  I don't know what exactly. Just knowing the situation and praying for God's healing for our girl would be great.  There is nothing I can do to help her.  I'm sad with her, and I cry with her, and we talk about Wavy, and I try to distract her from thinking on it for a wretchedly long time.  That's all I've got.  Not enough.  

And while I'm writing all of my sad thoughts I'll just share a couple more.  I know that Wavy's birth father and grandmother love her.  Correction.  He is Wavy's dad now.  It's hard to adjust my thinking.  Anyway, I know they love her.  They fought long and hard for her.  When it seemed impossible that they would win, they persevered anyway.  They put a lot of time and thought and energy into making a sweet room for her.  They care for her deeply and wanted her desperately to be their little girl.  I still can't stop worrying about her.  Big, huge, overwhelming fears, and silly, ridiculous concerns.  Sometimes I feel completely paralyzed by these fears, and I'm hardly able to get through the day thinking of anything else.  Lately that is the way I feel.  So will you please pray for her too?  That she and her family would be safe and happy together?  That she would feel loved and adored?  That she would have healthy meals and a peaceful heart and good nights of sleep?  That she wouldn't think of us too much or be sad?  That she would be so content and secure right where she is?  That she would know God and His Goodness?

I just realized Harper's post got hijacked by all my words about the state of my family's grief and my concern for my girls, past and present.  I think I just needed to get all of that out.  I have a therapist but this is free and feels cathartic so there you go. Well... okay.  Thanks for being someone who reads this stuff.  Thank you for any prayers you offer on our behalf.  Hoping this weekend holds lots of peace and relaxation.  For me and for you.  



Jessica Blake said...

the sweest. your family is the sweetest. Harper seems to have such a sweet little heart and tender but wild spirit. love that. Praying Jesus just keeps her tight in his grip. Praying that she feels safe, and secure, that God's "got this" no matter what. Praying that for both of your babies tonight. That above all they would know they have a Heavenly Father that loves them more than anything. Praying you and Matt would know that too.
You're amazing.

Jami Nato said...

oh it's good for me to start the morning out with tears, i guess. ha. i mean, what? boo.

God is near to the brokenhearted. i've told you that before. but i think people grieving have a special connection with the Lord. i love that you are pressing into your grief. that you long for healing.God sees that.

i am praying for you and your girls. grief is hard and looks the same at 5 as it does at 30.

Molly said...

Love you guys. Thanks! Wobbly smile.

E and K said...

Thank you for sharing your heart, Molly. You know we love you all, but at our house, we especially love Harper. I love watching her run and play here with Ellie. I have so enjoyed watching them become sweet friends and share sweet conversations...even about Wave. Just recently Harper mentioned missing her to Ellie. I wasn't sure how Ellie would respond but she simply said, "I know you do." They paused for a moment and then went on chasing each other during a game of "fairies" :) My heart hurt listening to their conversation, but I also found myself so thankful for their friendship. Know that we think Harper is one of the coolest gals we know too, and we pray for both girls often. Love you, Kylene

bri-bri said...

crying for you and loving you. sorry if i haven't been there for you lately. i have been pretty consumed by my own stuff. i know sometimes you want to talk and sometimes you don't. know that it is always safe to talk with me when you're feeling like you want to. and even when you're not. i love you so much, mol and i love your sweet family. here for you.

Mira's mom said...

I will continue to pray for you all! That just breaks my heart to hear that Harper is having such a hard time. Are you guys able to visit Waverly at all?

K said...

Molly, we are always thinking about you and praying for you and your family.Sending hugs your way.
Kelly (Bri's Sister)

ksfaith said...

I just have to let you know that two little girls in my house pray for Waverley EVERY night, and sometimes at meals. They say please keep Waverley safe and help her feel loved. I trust that God hears them and is protecting and comforting that precious girl. Pray for all of you. You inspire me with your honesty, courage, and faith!