still waiting

    

We have been told that we would hear a verdict on the third Friday after the trial or the fifth Friday. We were also told that we would hear six to twelve weeks after the trial. Tomorrow, January 15th is the ninth Friday. Waiting...

2009 In Review

The Year In Review

A note from Molly

Well, no one has ever accused me of being on top of things. Last year I did not send out Christmas cards because we were in the thick of our first round of the trial for Wave's adoption. It just felt a little too tragic when it seemed so unlikely that we would win. This year, I really looked forward to sending out Christmas cards. I made sure to agonize over picking the right pictures and the format and everything.  I even got them out before Christmas (a major bonus in my book!). The problem was that I pretty much only got through my address book which was last updated in 2007. So if we have become friends in the past two years, my apologies! Your Christmas card will reach you sometime between now and Valentine's Day. Just when you are sure to want it the most I know!  I did not write a letter -- just a little Costco photo center number, but between the letters we received and the start of a brand new year, I have been reflecting over the past 12 months. Since all that I usually post is life as it pertains to Wave, I thought I would post some highs and lows from the last year. A Christmas letter via blog if you will.

Some Things Changed

Well, in our case almost everything changed! We were living a different life last January! Matt was working for a company that built houses in Southern Johnson County. After 5+ years in that position he switched gears completely and in June started working for an organization in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Kansas City focusing on revitalizing and giving new life to a forgotten and oppressed part of our city.  Through leadership programs and Bible studies for kids from kindergarten through high school, a new medical clinic, and an upcoming charter school, this organization is something that we believe in with the whole heart of our family.  We are so excited that Matt has the opportunity to be a part of this ministry, and our minds and hearts are really changing as we are starting to understand what a tremendous obligation we all have to those among us who live in poverty. 

For a variety of financial reasons we decided that I would look for part time work.  While I desire most of all to be at home with our girls, some seasons are going to allow me to do that exclusively and some are not. We tried to brainstorm situations where I could work really early or really late to be with the girlies as much as possible and to put as minimal a load on our family as possible (who kindly, graciously, and lovingly watch the girls for us when we can't). This was challenging! The solution turned out to be working for Starbucks mostly from the hours of 5 AM to 11 AM four days a week.  This is working really well for us.  I love the people I work with and enjoy a lot of the customers.  While it isn't my dream job, it seems like an American rite of passage! Call me if you need a pound of coffee! I'll put you on the rotation.  

Our kids are huge.  Harper turned three in late July.  Her vocabulary, stream of conscienceness, and make believe play are a force to be reckoned with.  She traded in her crib for a pink bed that she sprawls out in like a teenage boy, cashed in her diapers for big girl undies, and has come into her own fashion sense.  Harper will argue with you that princesses do not wear jeans.  She would be much happier if I agreed with her that elaborate princess outfits complete with wings, more than one tutu, plastic high heels, and a flashing strobe light ring were appropriate attire for the grocery store and preschool.  

This Christmas she was into both Santa and the Christmas story.  On Christmas Eve we read the account of Jesus' birthday and had a birthday cake for Him.  Then we left out cookies and milk for Santa.  Harper has never gone to bed as fast as she did that night after being told Santa only comes when you are sleeping.  Matt was trying to review the great day we had all enjoyed together that day when she kicked him out of her room saying, "Daddy please go now. I really need to get to sleep."  

When she opened her dress up clothes for Christmas she put on a fairy costume and a scarf on her head and said she was Princess Fairy Mary. As in Mary the mother of Jesus.  I must not be telling her that story right!

Sweet Wavybel transformed from a baby (6 months old last Christmas) to a full fledged little girl of 18 months old.  

She has a voracious appetite and will eat at least a little bit of almost anything.  Christmas morning she happily ate ham and raw asparagus as she waited for the full scale breakfast we ate later that morning.  Her vocabulary is growing every day and most of her arsenal pertains to food.  She feels like "hmm-hmm" is sufficient for thank you but can say cookie, treat, yogurt, pancake, or banana quite clearly!  

She is still an amazing sleeper logging two hour naps and fourteen to fifteen hours at night most days.  It is incredible! It has been so sweet to watch the relationship between the girls blossom. Wavy always wants to know where Harper is when she wakes up from her nap, they bring each other toys and  tell each other sorry if they are too rough with one another.  While they absolutely fight and have problems with sharing, it is really a great relationship most of the time.  Our lovely girl continues to love books about monkeys especially the one where they are jumping on the bed, playing mommy to her babies, and dancing around the house. She asks to listen to music, rocks her dolls and puts them to bed, and pretends to go to sleep -- which is just squinting her eyes and breathing hard.  She is a riot.

We lost one company car when Matt changed jobs and finished the lease on the other car. So we have two new (to us) cars in the driveway. (The garage being full of junk we don't know what to do with can be filed under the things that stayed the same category.)  We no longer have cable or a DVR so we are spending more time reading and talking.  Some favorite authors we had not experienced before this year include Shane Claiborne, John Perkins, Leif Enger, and Amy Krouse Rosenthal.  Uhm, that last one is for the younger crowd.  I have fallen in love with Glee which I watch online.  Harper stumbled across The Wiggles. I regret to inform you that we have logged a lot of hours in front of You Make Me Feel Like Dancing.  

Some Things Stayed The Same

The same four verses hang on our fridge that I decided to leave up until Wave's adoption is finalized.  I posted them there in September of 2008.  My hope is that this year I will take them down and put them in the scrapbook of things that helped get us through hard times. 

Matt and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary.  We have figured out all of the ways to push each other's buttons during that time! But we have also fallen into a stronger and deeper love for each other. I am increasingly thankful to be married to such a good man.  We have agreed repeatedly over the last year and a half that during transitions, good times, and bad times there is no way we could have done it without each other and no one is more perfectly suited for us than the other.

Our fat and ungrateful dog Ruby ran away at least forty-seven times.  She tunnels out of our reinforced fence at every opportunity. She crosses major roads and the paths of big dogs. In July she spent the better part of a day lost in the inner city.  True story. At least half of the times that she got out she had no collar or other identification.  At my thirtieth birthday party one of my clever friends had filled Chinese cookies with fortunes specific to my life.  One of the fortunes read, "a dog named Ruby will save your life." This is in reference to there surely being some greater good to this dog's ridiculous presence in our lives.

Our family and friends have helped us in what has to be a million ways as they always have.  We just notice it more when times are tough.  People that we love have fed us repeatedly, shared their money with us, watched our precious babies, cared for us and prayed for us.  People that we don't know have done those things for us this year too.  God has provided for us in huge and overwhelming ways this past year.  He always does.  Some times it is just easier to spot.

We fall into greater appreciation for our family each day.  When we look at our two sweet girls we know that we live an amazingly blessed life. We know with one hundred per cent confidence that no two more wonderful people have ever existed in all of history (I say this with complete authority and at the same time pray you feel that way about your children too!).  We have a great house where we are warm and happy, enough food to eat, and each other. 

In closing, I will quote the most delightful book I read in 2009. It is called Christmas Cookies; Bite-Size Holiday Lessons.

"PEACE means no one is worried about anyone else's cookie... in this moment we are all quietly content with the cookies we have.  HOPE means, I'm filled with good feelings about what will be."

Wishing you and yours a 2010 filled with PEACE and HOPE.

Love,

Molly for all

Hope this Christmas

As we have been gearing up for Christmas these last few weeks I have been feeling all of the emotions that I experienced last year at this time -- a bleakness at celebrating a joyous holiday when I feel so personally fatigued by   the legal battle on our hands, a desire to make things particularly special or meaningful as a way to control things when I feel out of control, the heaviness in my heart as I worry this could be the last Christmas we have with our family in tact, the extreme joy of being the mom to these two amazing and wonderful little people, and feeling wildly joyful that our family is exactly as it should be.  

I have been kind of reflecting on all of these emotions and trying to give myself grace and take each day as it comes.  The other day I was thinking about love inside of marriage and I was struck by something that felt enormously helpful to me. I firmly believe that love is so much more than just an emotion but is rather a real choice that we have. And while it is certainly often a feeling or emotion, love is a constant series of decisions we make and a commitment that we make to our husbands or wives.  Matt and I have a wonderful relationship. I love him immensely more today than I did the seven and a half years ago that we got married, but we really know how to make each other crazy. I am eternally grateful to Matt that he isn't only in it for the times that I delight and amaze him! Thankfully he gives me the gift of his love even when I am shouting at him or wearing the pajamas that he hates and always wants me to get rid of or when I am singing way off key to the radio in the car.  Somewhere in the middle of thinking through all of that I realized that hope is a decision too.  

I have been feeling really hopeless lately.  I just feel physically weighted down by my own despair.  That sounds so terribly dramatic! But man, the last couple of weeks have just been unbearable for me.  I just couldn't get out from under my fear, and it was really overwhelming me.  So when it occurred to me that hope might not just be a feeling that I could only wish to possess, it really propelled me into a better place.  Because if it is a choice, I get some say in it.  I might not feel full of hope, but I can decide that it's for me.  So if I can look at Matt who is currently missing a front tooth (that's a whole different story!) and crunches his ice even though I have asked him for seven years to stop it, and decide to love him in that moment anyway, I can certainly grab onto the hope that my daughter will be with us forever and feel comforted by that.

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus over these next couple of days, I am reminding myself that we are talking about the God of the universe who sent His Only Son to be born to an unwed virgin in a barn. He has beautiful and miraculous plans. His ways are mysterious. And I choose to put all of my hope in Him.  

We are joyfully wishing you a Christmas filled with this great hope.

Love,

M & M -- Wavy's mom and dad

More Waiting...

Hello Friends,

I spoke with Molly yesterday and learned that, once again, there was not a decision announced regarding their case yesterday. 

This news brings both frustration and relief.  As expected, M&M are both exhausted with the frustration and axiety that comes with this extended period of waiting and the uncertainty that it brings to them on a daily basis.  But at the same time, Molly expressed a certain sense of relief in knowing that this decision will most likely not be reached until after the first of the year, leaving them with several weeks to "turn off" their constant anticipation of a pending decision.

For now, M&M and their sweet family are anticipating the upcoming holiday season... they are preparing a special play area in the basement for the girls as a surprise Christmas gift!  Matt will be able to enjoy an extended Christmas vacation and Molly expressed their desire to carve out plenty of special time for "just the four of us" this year. 

Please continue to pray for M&M during this special time of the year.  Molly has expressed to me on more than one occasion how sweet and sobering special occasions can be in light of Wavy's unknown future. 

So as we all await the peace and hope that Christmas and the birth of our Savior brings, I ask you to remember to pray that M&M, and their families, would be overwhelmingly filled with the peace and hope that Christ's birth brings!

Merry Christmas to all of you and on behalf of M&M, thank you for your continued interest, support, and prayerful petitions on their behalf!

Look Who's Praying for WavyBel...

Faithful Friends,

No decision was reached today.  M&M continue to wait and hope that they will hear news next Friday.  Please continue to pray for them... most especially for a favorable ruling NEXT FRIDAY!  How wonderful would it be if they could celebrate this Christmas in true peace and thanksgiving?!

Until then...

Look Who's Praying Today!

Saint Catherine of Siena Ladies Bible Study

Wichita, KS

Nancy Jenkins
St. Catherine of Seina Parish Secretary
Wichita, KS

Alison Boddicker & Family

Ashley & Derek Heintzelman

Kansas City

Mazzy the Cat!

7th Grade Class

Hickory Grove Baptist Christian School

Charlotte, NC

Bob & Nancy Balloun

Russell, Kansas

Janet & Caleb Stremel

Newell, Iowa

LeeAnn Williams

Baldwin City, KS

Lori Session and family

Wichita, KS

Addy, Savannah, Thomas & Joseph Bray

Olathe, Kansas

Bridgett Cotter, Christine Degen, Nancy D'Angelo

Tom & Sherri Schraeder

Overland Park, Kansas

Brian Nagel

Grandpa!

Kansas City, Kansas

Bri and Stephen McClernon

Olathe, Kansas

Gene & Melanie Irwin
Leawood, Kansas

Emily & Noah Holtzman

Kansas

Chris & Diane Wiebe
Jonah, Eliza, and Myla

CHINA!

Mark & Mary Ann Kuhn

Wichita, Kansas

Jim, Kyle, Joan & Melanie Tidball

Wichita, Kansas

Ava & Shaelin Newcome
(and Melissa & Gary too!)
Hutchinson, Kansas



Matt, Elizabeth, Melanie & Claire Stockemer
Wichita, Kansas

3 Sisters:

Deonne - Hutchinson, KS

Sheila - Joplin, Missouri

Bobbie - Springfield, Missouri

Bob & Leann (and son, TJ) Williams

Baldwin City, Kansas

Steve & Connie (and Brandy) Archibald
Richmond, Virginia

Carm Ludlow & Alice Wiggins
Wichita, Kansas


Keep the Pictures Coming...

No News Yet

No news today.


It's been a long few days in our house, to say the least.

When we heard earlier in the week that we might have a ruling as early as this Friday, it was something we've both looked forward to and stressed about all at the same time. So finding out that our case was not ruled on today was both a large disappointment, and in some ways, a relief.  We're disappointed because we so desperately want this all to come to an end.

Thinking back today, I was amazed when I stopped to think that we started all of this well over a year ago. In fact, this time last year we were heading into our first of several days of trial... that was probably the worst thing either of us has had to go through thus far in our lives. We really can't believe that this is still going on.


We can't believe that it takes the courts this many months to secure a future for our daughter. When we first knew this adoption would likely be contested by the birth father, we could have never imagined our daughter would be almost 1 1/2 years old and her future still be undecided.

It seems that every twist and turn along the way reminds us how not in control we are, and that this whole situation rests in the hands of someone else - not us. It's both comforting to know that ultimately God is in control of this situation and the outcome, but also difficult to trust that He is in control and all we can do is petition Him and learn to wait patiently on His timing.

We also can't believe that we're still, all things considered, a loving functioning family. There have been so many times in the last year and half where we've both sat down and thought "we'll never make it if this thing continues on for one more day!" Yet here we are getting through the day to day, enjoying both our girls and anticipating the holidays with family and friends.

Yes, there are times during almost everyday where we feel a little bit of a dark cloud over us knowing that an unfavorable decision might come, but we're also amazed daily that while that sense of fear and anxiety comes, it does not rule our lives. For that, we're thankful every day.

We're comforted daily by encouraging emails in our inbox, comments on this blog, and friends who are always ready to listen when we need to talk about all of this. We're so thankful for everyone who is supporting us in so many ways through this time. It's been such a comfort and blessing to us and is a big part of why we're able to continue on this journey. We're so thankful for all the prayers being prayed for us daily and know that God has been sustaining us as we go, helping us have wonderful moments in the midst of all of this and increasing our patience every day that we wait. Thank you all for so diligently following our journey and praying for us along the way.

On the legal side, it sounds like we just wait. For how long, we're finding out that we really don't know. We've been told everything from 3 weeks after our court hearing (this week) to 12 weeks. It seems that no one is very good at predicting when the court will rule, and it is under no obligation to rule quickly. What we do know is that when they rule, we'll find out on a Friday.

So, from here on out, the end of each week is going to carry with it an extra bit of anticipation and stress. While we covet your prayers daily, we especially covet them towards the end of each week. We'll make sure to update every Friday so everyone will know whether a decision has been made that week or not.


Thank you all again for your ongoing prayers.

Love,
M&M

Two Weeks In & Possible News

Two weeks ago today we were in court.  

Today we got an email from our lawyer saying that while it could be longer, the court of appeals has been working to issue its rulings within three fridays after the hearing.  

That would mean we would have a verdict THIS FRIDAY.  

As in THREE DAYS from now.  

Because our original understanding was that it would take months for a ruling, this is completely unexpected.  I do not know if I was way off base in the first place, if something has changed, or why the timeline is what it is.  But that is the word we received today.  

The email from our lawyer also detailed his thoughts after the hearing we had two weeks ago...  

The bottom line is that the judge that ruled on our original case based some of his decision on precedent (which is how all rulings in Kansas adoption cases are supposed to be made), while other parts of his ruling were not.  That could be because there was not precedent or because that was just the best way to make the ruling... we'll probably never know.  

But because some aspects of the original judge's decision will be ground breaking, if they stand, our case is not just a "cut and dry" appeal.  

The opposition has a lot stronger case given that there is so much gray area here.  Well, at least there is a lot of gray area from the standpoint of the law.  

When you are trying to figure out a baby's future, it seems pretty black and white to me.  If the law as well as all parties involved would just put her first, this would have all been over a very long time ago.  

One of the reasons this case is controversial is that the Judge used "best interest of the child" as a reason NOT to place her with her birthfather.  As the law is written, it is supposed to be a "shield" for the birthparent, not a "sword"... meaning it should only tip the scale in the birthparent's favor -- not create a ruling against them.  

Can you believe that?

The legal system is more worried about the rights of an adult who is making their own choices and fully responsible for the life they are living, than it is for the well being of a helpless and vulnerable child with no power over her own life.  

Heartbreaking.  

Since we believed that the absolute earliest we would hear would be next Friday, we are sitting with our hearts in our throats this evening as we try to process having an answer this week.  Matt and I both understood the lawyer to mean that it is probable we will hear this week.  

The idea of finding out in a few days and really having no idea on what the court is thinking or how they are planning on ruling is excruciating.  I am not sure if it will be a relief if we don't end up with any answers on Friday or if it will seem all the more torturous.  

I can assure you that we will think of nothing else between now and when we find out what will happen with our daughter.  Whenever that might be.  

My prayer is simple and short today; with every breath in me, I am just pleading desperately to God to please let us keep our daughter.  

Please, please, please join with us as we pray for a positive outcome...

• Please pray that the judges would not be able to bring themselves to rule against our family - no matter what.
• Please pray that each judge would feel enormously burdened to give this baby the safe home and warm family she needs.
• Please pray that each judge would have tremendous wisdom in their knowledge of the law as it can be used to keep Wavy with the only family she has ever known.

We are forever grateful for your petitions on our behalf and for the amazing ways you have shown us your love and support.

Love,

Molly