Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Giving Thanks (if somewhat ruefully)

Hi Guys,

I am pleased to say we made it through a triple whammy holiday.
The holiday: Thanksgiving
The whammies:
     (1)Last year we knew we'd lost the fight to keep our daughter but still had her for Thanksgiving which was the most bittersweet thing in the world.  Remembering that time was really painful on a lot of levels.
     (2) It's a holiday without our girl.  Suck city.
     (3) We found out on Tuesday that a potential adoption situation we were very hopeful about was not going to happen.  The birth family chose someone else.  So we were a little bummed out to find that out.  Two days later -- Thanksgiving.

We went to the beautiful town of Ouray, CO to spend some time healing in the mountains.  Matt, Harper and I did not participate in one traditional Thanksgiving meal or activity on the day itself.  We had done a few Thanksgivings in KC before we had left, so we felt like it had been covered.  Instead, my handsome man made us the most delicious Greek meal.  We had a really peaceful and relaxing time over all.  I will now give commentary and show a few pictures.

Except... I was sick for a few of the days, and we were all in sweats the whole time.  I kept walking by mirrors and cringing.  I noticed Matt kept looking at me with horror-filled eyes at what I had become love and acceptance. As a result of all of that business we took no pictures.  None.  Well, Matt took about a million pictures of mountains on his phone.  Which do not suit me for this post.  So enjoy these generic images instead.  Just pretend they're us.

We played games so much.  There is a great game called I Never Forget A Face that is a high class version of Memory that we played non-stop.  I recommend it.

90% of our time was spent playing games or reading in front of the fire. 8% of our time was spent at Mouse's chocolate shop.  2% was spent doing playing Barbies, showering, and eating.

Matt and I had some of those talks that could happen at home but tend not to.  It was great to enjoy some nice, quiet time together.

Matt camped out in a recliner by the fire with the best mountain view the whole time.  He was completely blissed out the whole time.

Matt sang songs to me in the meadow behind the cabin while he played the acoustic guitar.  He also sang me romantic lullabies each night.  None of that is true.  

So there you have it.  I am not going to do a post of all the things I am thankful for.  I don't mean to sound like a brat, but I'm just not up for it.  I am letting myself off the hook with not feeling particularly thankful this year but not feeling totally jaded and bitter.  I'm calling it a wash.  And plodding on.



Kelsey said...

Bahaha - oh the thought of you guys having a cheesy guitar-playing-meadowy moment. You make me laugh, even as I hurt for you. It's a unique gift you have to let people into your grief with such grace and humor. And my oh my is Matt looking oh-so-grisled and wise in that fireplace photo! And for what it's worth, I think it's more than a wash - I think it's a victory. Praying still for a 2011 babe for you. Been thinking about you so much recently...just haven't had time to sit down and shoot you an email. Love you!

Jessica Blake said...

Molly, you have a gift of humor.
you're seriously funny.
and i second kels...still praying and believing for a 2011 baby. He's got 31 days to pull it off! He created the world in if you think about, we're being really gracious here. :)

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

You crack me up! I love the stock photos and can just picture you all in them :) I have to say, your un-Thanksgiving sounds wonderful. I can't even remember the last time we spend more the 15 minutes playing games. And reading? Only in the bathroom these days :)

Hang in there... I know this is a tough season. I've had you on my mind so often these days. I continue to have faith that your brokenness will be restored. Many prayers going up on your behalf, friend.

Much love...

Pipsylou said...

Generic Images. I LOVE THAT. Also, you? Walking by a mirror and cringing?


Also, I've been thinking about/praying for you a ton. "the holidays", as they are wont to be called, are ROUGH. I'm hoping you're finding God's grace in very unexpected places.

Becky said...

So I am catching up on the blog this morning. I love your writing, its so you! All of it. I love the generic pictures in the post. Perfect. Miss my Molly!