Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Wishful Thinking

We had been out of town for the weekend, and when we came home I found this package waiting for me.  My favorite thing in the package was this onesie.  My sweet friend was encouraging me that God could answer my prayer for a baby this year.

I don't know if God will be blessing our family through adoption or not this year.  Time is running out.  We'll have to see.  I would just so love for there to be a tiny one filling this onesie up and resting contentedly in my arms, in our family, in this house.

Tonight our two dogs are curled up in front of the fire, I am doing a few things in the living room, Harper is sleeping like you sleep when you work HARD all day in kindergarten then play HARD all afternoon.  Matt is reading the Steve Jobs biography.  I wish so much that Wavy were down the hall sleeping on her tummy with her arms tucked under her.  I miss her. So. Badly.  A new baby will have nothing to do with filling that void, but our house is too quiet.  We are ready for new life here.  For a new and separate joy.

After her bath Harper was sitting by the fire in her pink robe, drinking hot chocolate, swinging her braids around and planning her sixth birthday party. (July 24th, guys.  You simply cannot be too prepared.)  It involves a camp out where one tent is set up for dolls.  You go in and get to hold someone else's doll for awhile.  Then you catch fireflies and tag them for scientists to study.  Next -- roast marshmallows.  Finally, tell spooky stories with a flashlight.  I just kept thinking, I need a million more of you.

There was this book in the library at my elementary school (which was incredible and was governed by a charming librarian named Miss Liberty).  It was about a family that had a garden and every spring (or something, I don't know) the mom would go out in the garden and there would be a new baby in a special plant.  I wish that book existed somewhere outside my memory so I could read it right now.  Oddly there seems to be no record of it online.  I would have guessed that one was a big seller.  I wish there were babies and children in hammocks and forts and bunk beds all over my house fast asleep right now.  I wish every morning we would all have a huge breakfast at a farm table in the kitchen then do our daily work together.  I wish I wasn't having this bizarre daydream out loud on the internet.  But I do hope our next child comes our way soon.  Maybe even in 2011.



Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Praying that prayer WITH you, sweet friend.

Rhonda said...

Molly, I found your blog through Danielle's (whose I found through Kelly's Korner) :)

I don't read a ton of blogs, but I was so compelled by your story that I think I read the entire thing last night.

I was absolutely heartbroken by your story. I don't think I will ever forget it. But, I was also encouraged by your strength and your hope. You are a very strong woman.

I pray you receive your miracle so very soon. You, your husband, and Harper so deserve it.

Kelsey said...

1. Awesome onesie :)
2. Harper should be a party planner. I'll totally come to that party - especially if I get a chance to hold everyone else's baby dolls!
3. I'm intrigued by the baby garden book. Praying that your new little one is even now being watered and basking in the sun, waiting to be plucked and placed in your arms.

Love you!

On Loan From Heaven said...

We're waiting and praying with you, Molly! I'm glad to see you back... you've popped in my mind plenty of times this year and though I keep up with you through Amy (Ames) it's nice to see you ;-)

We're waiting for number 2 but have sent some situations your way through Amy... I know those can be overwhelming but even if they're not 'right' for us, it's encouraging to know that our baby is out there somewhere!

Praying for a special Christmas!!


Pipsylou said...

I love everything about this post.

Pipsylou said...

*except you missing Wavy...but if missing her is the only way you can experience her, maybe there's something sweet about that particular sorrow.

I hope I made sense to you - because I'm not sure I made sense to me.

Sonya said...

Confident that God will fill the onesie with your new little one--praying it might be 2011.

Katy said...

Praying God gives you a little one soon!