Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Some final answers

Well. It's been a very long day, and now that we've had a chance to sort through and wrap our minds around what had happened today we'd like to update you all.

Today at 1pm we make what we expected would be our last visit to the Johnson County Courthouse for quite some time. Arriving there brought back all of the nervousness and worry knowing anything could happen. We've said over and over "you can't make this stuff up." There have been so many unexpected things at nearly every turn of this journey. Just when you think you know what's going to happen - when the logical outcome seems so obvious - things get a little crazy. Today was no exception.

Shortly after 1pm things began to unravel rather quickly. The case that was brought against Waverley's birthfather was dismissed quickly and in a matter of minutes the 2 and half year fight was over. As we've reflected on today and how we would break this news we struggled with how much detail to give on what went down. One thing we realized today is just how many people are close to this whose lives have been affected very deeply. It hasn't just been Molly and Waverley and Harper and I. Waverley's birthmother has been affected by this as well as her family, both immediate and extended. To guard everyone involved in this we have to leave out a lot of the details on how this all went down today. What we can say is that our hopes that Waverley would get to be raised by her birthmother are now gone. For a variety of reasons that cannot happen and in this instance at least our justice system has failed miserably. While it has been clear for awhile that we would no longer be Waverley's parents we had hoped so much that the home she would transition into would be one with a mom and a dad and a sister - a home similar to the one she has right now. While we all have differences in the way we go about life, there were some striking and important similarities between our family and her birthmother's. It would have been the best situation for her to transition into.  There is no question now that this will not happen.

So where do we go from here? Well, for once there is a clear and final answer to that question. Several weeks ago Judge Sheppard set in motion a plan that would transition Waverley from our home to her birthfather's. As it has been ordered by the court, we have followed that plan while still holding onto the hope that we would not have to complete it and would be able to transition to the birthmother instead. That transition plan had a start time and also an end time and we are through over half of that plan now. In just 4 days our sweet Waverley will be moving out of our home. Although this date shouldn't come as a surprise, I still find it shocking when I put that in writing. 4 more days. 2 nights of those 4 days she'll be spending an overnight at the birthfather's house. We'll have an opportunity to visit next week and a few days the following week, but she will no longer be living here. That is the new reality.

You all have been so amazing to pray and support us as you have. I know we've said it before, but it has been a bright spot in an otherwise very dark place over the last couple of years. You all have been increasingly faithful as prayers were continuing to go unanswered.  It may not be much consolation, but while our deepest longings and most fervent prayers were not answered, we still believed that God has been faithful in other ways. Through your prayers we feel that God has given us an amazing amount of strength to face all of this. As we look back I still can't believe it that we made it though all of that without completely losing ourselves. God has also used (and is still using) this to refine our faith as well. It'll take some time to unpack all of that and sort through it, but I've already seen ways in which that has been the case.

Now we stand facing the coming grief. We're not sure what that's going to look like or feel like, but it's the next place we must go. If you are able to stick with us a little longer we'd love for you to remember us in your prayers over the next several weeks. Here are some specific ways you can be praying:

For Waverley: Even with the professional transition plan, this is going to rock her world. She will be going into a home where there is no mother. That will make this all the more difficult for her. Pray that she will be safe, that she will feel loved, and that she will make a quick transition into her new environment. We'd also ask that somehow she will feel comforted by God in the moments when she is scared or sad or just missing home.

For Harper: Pray that Harper will continue to be able to understand what is happening. Pray that she will continue to feel secure in her place in our family and that she won't doubt the permanence of that place. Please pray that she will be able to grieve appropriately as she looses her sister whom she so dearly loves. So far she has been handling this very well and very appropriately. Please pray that continues.

For Matt & Molly: Please pray that we will remain close throughout this. That we will be gracious and kind to each other. Pray that even amidst our own grief we might be able to be excellent parents and a comfort to dear Harper. Pray that we would heal from this. It clearly won't be a quick healing, but pray that God will be doing that work.

Waverley's birthfather: Please pray that God will equip him to be a good dad. Being a single parent is unbelievable hard. I'm not sure how people do it. Being a single parent at 22 years old makes that all the more difficult. Pray that he will always be able to provide a safe and loving home for her and that through that she might always feel loved. Pray that she might know God someday in a personal way and have a bright future.

Our families: While Molly, Harper and I grieve there will also be others in our families that will feel this loss deeply. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close family friends. Pray for their healing as well. Also please pray for Waverley's birthmother and her family. They've been through an incredible amount of pain and could use your prayers as well.

Sorry,  I know that's alot, but I'm realizing as I write that there are a lot of things to be prayed for. Again, if you feel led to keep us in your thoughts and prayers the next few weeks/months we would be so appreciative.

Finally, what will happen now with the blog. Honestly, we don't know yet. We will still be updating it for the next week or two to bring some closure to all of this. There are also a few things we'd like to say in closing about adoption as well. I'm not sure how often we will post, but we'll definitely be here as we walk through the next week or two. After that, who knows. There is something very cathartic about getting this all out in words. Maybe we'll keep posting or move it to a new blog as we reflect on the last couple years and walk the path before us. We'll let you know. For now, we'll keep updating it every few days.

Thank you all again for walking this journey with us and supporting and encouraging us all along the way. We truly are eternally grateful.

Matt & Molly

37 comments:

Erin and Roger Bell said...

I rushed home as soon as I could to see if there was a post from today's events, and there is! Thank you for sharing so much of these intimate details in your lives and being so transparent. Thank you for loving the Lord through all of this, just like in Job He will reward you for your faithfulness, and He has great plans for you and your family, even though it is almost impossible to see at the moment. We are continuing to pray!

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

I don't have any idea what to say. I'm stunned and completely heartbroken. Somehow, some way, your faithfulness will be rewarded and you will feel peace and joy again. I promise to stay the course... praying you through this unfathomable situation. I'm so sorry. So, so incredibly sorry.

Debbie said...

Dear Matt and Molly,
We will continue to keep you and everyone involved in our prayers. May you be of comfort to one another in your unconditional love and caring as each person grieves in his/her own unique way.

We pray that God will watch over Waverley and that you may continue to be a part of her life as much as is possible.

Love,
Rick and Debbie

Kristin said...

Matt and Molly, our hearts are so heavy for your family. Please know that we will continue to pray for you and that Waverley will have the covering of the prayers of so many as she makes this transition (and even as she continues to grow up). What a blessed little one she is to have spent even just two years with you both.

jchoreo said...

I just recently came across your blog and have been keeping up with the final portion of your journey. I have to applaud your strength and the wonderful family you provide for Waverly even in the face of such a trying time. My heart aches for your family and I have prayed over the past 2 weeks that something would change and this journey would end differently. I an inspired by your amazing patience and more importantly, that even though your pain is and has been present, it is obvious that being strong for your daughters has always been your 1st priority. I am so very sorry that our legal system has failed you and Waverly. It is a shame and tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Julie-Ann from GA

Amy said...

Matt and Molly-
I have been following your story for the last several months through Danielle. I have never commented before but I have been praying for you all and will continue to pray for your intentions. I am so incredibly sorry that your family is going through this. Please know that your story has touched so many and it has changed me and my perspective so much. I pray you continue to be steadfast in your faith even when it seems like you are all alone.
Praying for God's peace,
Amy

courtney rose said...

Dear ones-

My heart is broken for all of you.

How I wish, wish, wish that the results were different. Know that prayers and love are flooding your way- your family is a constant in my heart and spirit.

Truly,

Courtney

pinktulips said...

There are no words. We are so devistated for you and crushed for this ruling. You all and Little Wavy have made your way into our hearts and we will continue to pray for her daily. We will pray for you, Harper and those you love most, daily. You are such precious people...God is near....... we love u!!! ally, brian, river and evy.

Tamara said...

Heartbroken for you, and praying.
Tammy
(friend of Mark & Kath's)

Erin said...

we are praying. thank you for always being so honest and allowing us the privilege to pray for you and your precious daughters. Our hearts are breaking for you. We will not stop praying for any of you.

Jessica Blake said...

So sorry Matt and Molly. We continue to be so burdened for you and will continue to pray for miracles in your family. miracles of healing and hope. you do not leave our minds.

Jenna Anderson said...

tears tears and more tears. no words. just tears. bobby and i love you both... and love your family.

Elizabeth said...

I was deeply saddened to read your post this evening and really don't know what to say, but be assured of my continued prayers for your family and all the intentions you've listed. Thank you for allowing us all to walk this journey with you, even though we may not know you personally. Your family and faith truly are an inspiration! May you feel God's loving embrace as He carries you through this difficult time.

S said...

Oh how hard it must have been for Mose's mother to place him in the basket and send him down the river to the unknown, or a mother to chose to lose her child rather than see it killed and split in half. My heart breaks for you, this has to be one of the hardest things this life could ever ask of of a mother and father. Please know you are in my prayers. I do believe in God and he knows the hearts and purpose of all involved. May you be surround completely with angels of comfort and peace. You have given her a beautiful foundation to build a life upon. God speed and blessings.

adorible said...

I came across you blog a few months ago. I am so sorry for your loss. Many years ago my family was in the same place you are now. There are no words-only the knowledge that God is God and He loves her best. I will continue to pray for you, your daughters and each of those on your list.

carly said...

(I can't help but be long-winded so I apologize in advance)

I'm an insignificant stranger to you and just another friend of a friend who has heard brief sentences of your story. I received the link to your blog tonight and have been reading and breaking and becoming numb for hours. And now I'm unable to sleep, so I comment.

Not that my story is important or even encouraging to you, in fact, it's the opposite but my father committed suicide five months ago. A devastating, abrupt shock as he was the BEST person I knew on earth. It seems that in these past five months I've heard of more stories of tragedy amongst believers than joy. I'm learning that loss - unfair, infuriating, and unanswerable loss - is a guarantee while God's kingdom is on this earth. But as you reiterated time and again, God is good. That's all I've got to go on right now too.

Your heart and passion for your area is encouraging. Your strength and honestly through this journey of loss is also encouraging.

It is possible to go on. If I had been able to predict what life would be like after my father's death I would have assumed that I would be ruined. Our Father and prayer are the only reasons I am not. Loss is a constant but so is God's love. He will be walking with WavyBel into that unfamiliar place and with you as you walk back home to your new unfamiliar family of three.. I'm so sorry you have to do that. He will heal ALL of His children. Thanks for sharing your story. Of course, I'm praying for you in these extremely intense days and weeks ahead.

ArmyWife said...

I don't know you and probably never will, but I have been following the blog for quite some time through a friend of a friend and like so many others, I am heartbroken by your loss. The only sense I can make of this is that God has given your dear daughter a mission. She will be the one who brings her birthfather to Him. You have given her the best possible start and she will never forget you, nor will she forget God. And I feel confident that she will spend every single day of her life working in some way to make her new family holy. Hang in there.

Bethany said...

We're still praying for you.

Jess said...

My heart is so, so sad for you. May you have peace that have done your absolute best for Waverly. The way you strive to put Jesus and your girls first is amazing. I will continue to pray for you. You do have an army of people praying for you as you walk this hard, hard journey.

K said...

Matt and Molly,

I have been shedding many, many tears along with so many others. We continue to pray for you and your family and will continue to do so over these next few days and weeks. Know that you have an army of people praying and thinking about you guys.
Kelly (Bri's sister)

Jami said...

Matt and Molly - we don't know each other personally but I want you to know that my heart is just breaking for you and your families. I know there are really no words...I will just be in prayer for you all!

Amanda said...

I can't imagine the disappointment you felt yesterday as the ruling was not in Wavy's best interest. I can't imagine how you are feeling these last days and hours with your precious little girl. I won't even pretend to understand that I can even imagine the heartache you are all experiencing. I am praying for Wavybel for you both Matt and Molly....and for Harper. I k now that you all need the strength to move through these next couple of days and weeks and months. I pray you will feel an abundance of love from above and a strength that you didn't know you had. love, amanda

Jordan Reed said...

Dear God, parent to the parentless, please continue to watch over and protect little Wavy. I don't believe this tragedy is your will, but I know you can redeem all things for your good purposes. So I pray you will redeem this situation and that you would get all the glory. Comfort Matt, Molly, Harper and all of their family and friends with a peace that transcends understanding. Speak to the birth father's heart, and place in him a determinism to do all he can to love and protect Wavy. May he come to know, follow and obey you. Also comfort the birth mother and her family, making them aware of your presence and love. Please place in Wavy a memory and love for the Nagel family that will not disappear with age. I pray this decision would inspire a movement toward change in the legal system regarding adoption, but in the meantime, give the Nagels hope in their grief, support in their transition, and faith and wisdom in their future. Thank you, father for adopting us as sons and daughters. Give us your mercy and take us in your arms as we try to sort through the pain that surely breaks your heart, too. In Jesus' name, amen.

Jenae Weinbrenner said...

i love you guys more than words can say. i am for you and i am for Wavy. that little girl is special and i hope he (birthfather) knows what a spunky gift he is receiving.
you guys have done a great job.

God is still on the throne and HE isn't done with Wavy.

Sonya said...

Many ahead of me on this blog have expressed what I am feeling much better than I can. I know that the next few days will be very difficult and pray that you will truly feel God's strength through the prayers of His people. You are loved by many and I agree that God does have a specific plan for Waverly that only she can fulfill and that He will never leave or forsake her.

Blessings to you all.

Katy said...

I cried the whole time I read your blog. I do not know you guys but love you very much. I feel your pain and will continue to pray for you, Molly, Waverly and her new environment and Harper.

Kenyon said...

No words can express the sadness I feel for your family. As a mom of three, I just can't imagine what you must be feeling. We don't know each other personally, but I'm part of the Heartland family, and wanted you to know how much you have touched my heart through your difficult journey. I have, quite simply, fallen in love with little Wavy. She is God's perfect gift, and I know He will walk beside her throughout her life - as He will carry you through your pain. You will be in my prayers always.

Linnea said...

I have no words. I will pray. I am so so sorry.

Be blessed

AmyA said...

I am praying for all of you and am sad beyond words. I have been following your story though I have never met you.....and I have never once believed through this whole journey that Wavy would be removed from your home. Call it faith. Call it denial. It s simply unfathomable and the pain I feel for you and YOUR girls is great. I will continue to pray for all involved and shed some tears as well. From someone whose life has been greatly affected by adoption I will pray that you are able to keep your positive feelings about it through all of this. No words can convey the sympathy and pain so many are sharing with you. May you feel all of us lifting your burden and helping you as you continue on this difficult path.

HannahM said...

So heartsick for your family! We will be praying according to your requests.

Vanessa said...

I'm so sorry I didn't see this until now. My heart breaks for you. Praying.

Dawn said...

I just got the link to your blog tonight from Vanessa. My heart is also breaking for you. I have been going thru custody issues with my son's father, so I do understand the fear and heartbreak for your child when the courts won't rule in the best interest of the child. But God is still God and He is good. Be still and wait upon Him. Praying for you all.

Jami Nato said...

dammit. a cuss word only seems fitting here.

i too am agreeing with you that God is good and that He is wrapped up in all these details, no matter how heart wrenching they are.

love to you guys. praying for your coming days.

dan and elise said...

The Deebles hurt with you.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." -Romans 8:26-27

OUR JOURNEY said...

Well, Monday has come and gone. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I know a post won't be anytime soon as your family is trying to heal. But I just wanted you to know that I am always reading your blog and concerned with how you all are doing. I don't know you personally, but I feel so close to you all. Just remember all of the people praying for you at this time. I do look forward to a new post someday. God Bless

Carrie said...

Your precious family is heavy on my heart. Prayers are with you, and more importantly God is with you and sweet Waverly. May you feel your Father's comfort and peace as you work through this pain. May you know in your hearts that Waverly is lovee and protected and held close by him. May Harper get through this as well and know you are there and always will be.

jackie said...

Hi from another total stranger that you will probably never meet. I have been following your blog from a link on facebook. I am incredibly sorry for what you are going through.
I am also an adoptive mom but much older (61). After adopting 7 and also fostering and being in an adoptive support group we have seen this happen several times. It is an adoptive parents worst nightmare - no biological family has to go through the fear that we have to live with. I hope when you are healed you will use this to help change some laws.
Now may I offer a small sliver of hope? A friend had a foster child who she was in the process of adopting when the mom decided she wanted her back at the age of 2. Back she went although everyone involved knew it was a really bad situation. Another 2 years go by and the birth mom finally realizes she really didn't want to be a mom, it was too much work so she called my friend and gave the little girl back. I spent last evening with her on her 21st birthday!
I am praying that if he realizes that parenting isn't for him that you will get THE phone call. Let us pray that he be man enough to do the right thing if he faces that reality.
You have been such a strong and faithful servant please know that God will reward you. He will bless you abundantly. Please continue to write so we can watch your journey.