Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Reliving the Past -- Before an Audience

Today we are going to be testifying before a subcommittee of the Kansas House of Representatives.  A group of lawyers is trying to make some changes to adoption law before the current session ends.  We have known this might be coming for awhile but just found out on Thursday that we would be going to Topeka to speak four days later.  Sunday we had to write out our story from beginning to end.  Today we will share that story in a room that we were told would be quite large and full of people.  

This is dredging up all of the emotions I have had each time we've gone to court.  I get that it's a totally different situation -- we are not going to be in a room with anyone who is opposing us.  A judge won't rule.  The stakes are the the law, not our child.  Still though, my palms are already sweaty, I haven't been sleeping, my stomach is in knots, and my body is going, "oh yeah.  I know all about this feeling."

I hope it's worth it.  I hope our being there is helpful.  I'm feeling super freaked out.

The changes being presented are clearer language and more specific expectations when it comes to the support a birth father has to show to maintain his rights and what happens to a birth mother's relinquished rights if an adoption fails -- with the intention that her relinquishment would be nullified if the adoption failed (basically giving her the option to have her rights back at that point if she so desired).  None of these things would prevent a child from being removed from their adoptive family, but it would make the process less muddy.  It would give judges less room for their own interpretation or mood that day (as we felt we experienced).  It would help all parties move more quickly through the decisions instead of living through the agony of such a drawn out process.  

So I am trying to calm my heart.  I am reading Psalm 23 over and over again.  I am also working on incorporating into my testimony a dramatic moment where I can lean forward and yell, "You want the truth?  You can't handle the truth!' Because that seems a more obtainable goal than trying to calmly tell my story to a room of straight-faced strangers.  

Well, I am off to try to find an outfit that communicates that I am a caring and devoted mother who has the credibility and intellectual wherewithal to be an advocate for positive change for adoption.  I'm convinced that with just the right tasteful dress/cardigan combo they'll intuit all of that in just one glance.  

If anyone reads this before 3:30 today I would be so grateful for any prayers at that time.  Or any time really.

I'll let you know how it goes.



Kelsey said...

Oh Molly, I think my subconscious knew something was up with you guys because I was up at 2:30 last night with the Nagels on the brain. I'm praying! What a difficult and brave thing to be doing. I wish we could join the straight-faced crowd and give you a smile during your testimony. Praying that your words would carry with them the truth about what needs to happen to protect our children and that the peace of God would guide and protect your heart. Love you guys! I'm so proud to know you!

Sally said...

You'll kill it today, cardigan or no cardigan. ; )

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Will be praying....

I'm pretty sure that cardigan or no cardigan, you ARE the perfect person to do this!

StacyD said...

Praying right now for strength and God to speak the truth through you.

Pipsylou said...

We got this... praying you through! Just asked Al about you. Thanks for doing this. You are awesome. You are shaking your head "no" but I get to have my opinion anyway.

My opinion is that you are awesome.

So there.

chris and diane said...

praying praying praying

ColleenaMareena said...

I know I'm too late, but I just wanted to say that as long as you're not dripping big rivers of snot everywhere, emotion is a good thing. There's a reason you are advocating this, and it will be good for the lawmakers to see that. Well, that and an awesome outfit. Your whole family are often in my prayers, and I hope today went well!

Katy said...

I also hope today went well, I am sure you really spoke to them, gave them the emotion they needed to see and the words were right. God was with you! You are an awesome person!

Brett and Betsy said...

Oh sweet Molly. You will move mountains because HE is behind all of this. Praying. Knowing that my prayers can be retroactive cause God is smarter than Time. Eager to hear the results - in your heart and in the court.