Reliving the Past -- Before an Audience

Today we are going to be testifying before a subcommittee of the Kansas House of Representatives.  A group of lawyers is trying to make some changes to adoption law before the current session ends.  We have known this might be coming for awhile but just found out on Thursday that we would be going to Topeka to speak four days later.  Sunday we had to write out our story from beginning to end.  Today we will share that story in a room that we were told would be quite large and full of people.  


This is dredging up all of the emotions I have had each time we've gone to court.  I get that it's a totally different situation -- we are not going to be in a room with anyone who is opposing us.  A judge won't rule.  The stakes are the the law, not our child.  Still though, my palms are already sweaty, I haven't been sleeping, my stomach is in knots, and my body is going, "oh yeah.  I know all about this feeling."


I hope it's worth it.  I hope our being there is helpful.  I'm feeling super freaked out.


The changes being presented are clearer language and more specific expectations when it comes to the support a birth father has to show to maintain his rights and what happens to a birth mother's relinquished rights if an adoption fails -- with the intention that her relinquishment would be nullified if the adoption failed (basically giving her the option to have her rights back at that point if she so desired).  None of these things would prevent a child from being removed from their adoptive family, but it would make the process less muddy.  It would give judges less room for their own interpretation or mood that day (as we felt we experienced).  It would help all parties move more quickly through the decisions instead of living through the agony of such a drawn out process.  


So I am trying to calm my heart.  I am reading Psalm 23 over and over again.  I am also working on incorporating into my testimony a dramatic moment where I can lean forward and yell, "You want the truth?  You can't handle the truth!' Because that seems a more obtainable goal than trying to calmly tell my story to a room of straight-faced strangers.  


Well, I am off to try to find an outfit that communicates that I am a caring and devoted mother who has the credibility and intellectual wherewithal to be an advocate for positive change for adoption.  I'm convinced that with just the right tasteful dress/cardigan combo they'll intuit all of that in just one glance.  


If anyone reads this before 3:30 today I would be so grateful for any prayers at that time.  Or any time really.


I'll let you know how it goes.


Love,
Molly