Thursday, February 10, 2011

Your Hands

We have a lot of ups and downs.  Today has been a particularly hard day for me.  From the moment I woke up I just had the heaviest heart.  I miss her all day every day but today I felt like I missed Waverley by the second.  I would give anything to hug her, or sit by her, or just smile at her and see her smile in return.  I think it might kill me.  

Something that has surprised me as being one of the hardest things to handle is hearing any music we listed to together.  She was so particular about hearing exactly the right song.  She knew what she wanted to listen to, how many times in a row, at what volume, and she meant business.  She had her own title for each song.  I can't bear to hear it right now because I can just hear her little voice in the back seat singing along.  Otherwise I would post a link so you could hear it.  But these are the lyrics to a song she wanted to hear a lot the last few weeks she was with us.  She called it The Girl Song.

Tonight I'm thinking about The Girl Song.  I am trying really hard to hold onto the principle of it for myself and let it comfort me for her.  

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world 
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands 


Jami Nato said...

i just can't imagine. i'm so sorry. it has to be hard to grieve for someone that you know is still living.

praying for you today. love that you are writing down your feelings and thoughts as you go through this.

courtney rose said...

Write, write, write....

courtney rose said...

I have this plethora of thoughts, but I am scared of sounding...? I don't know, I just don't want to say the wrong thing.

Molly. Oh, Molly. How I just wish things were different. So very, very different.

Allison said...

Thank you for letting us know when the hard times are so that we can cover you all in specific prayer! I can't even imagine what this has been like for you all, but we are all here to pray, help, and do whatever we can to support you through this process. We love ya

Vanessa said...

Oh my heart aches for you and with you. Not sure I have the "right" words to say, but I wanted you to know that I care and we are praying here for everyone.

Pipsylou said...

How I love that song, and how it fits your situation.

And she will remember when she hears it, too.

Praying for you, Molly. No words can touch the pain.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like the Lord sent you that song, through your precious daughter, as a message that He will always be holding both of you. And that "one day [He] will set all things right." Don't give up that hope, Molly. Praying for you every day.

Sonya said...

Thanks for being transparent with us. It does help us know more specifically. You are loved and cared about. May God continue to give you the strength you need for each second. We love you,

Max and Sonya

Kelsey said...

thank you for an update. we pray for you every day many times a day. i pray for Wavy each night when i pray for Lila - trusting the Lord's goodness and his promises for his children and claiming them for your baby girl.

amy said...

I just happened upon your blog and I felt my heart break for you. I can't imagine the heartache you feel. We had a sweet baby in our home for just a week and a half and the birth father blocked the adoption. Just a week and a half yet I had let her completely enter my heart and then it was over. I feel a small ounce of your pain and I am soooo sorry! You and your sweet family will be in my thoughts and prayers and especially Waverly. I have no doubt that our Heavenly Father is aware of her and loves her so much. Someday, somehow our loving Father in Heaven will make it right. I admire you and I don't even know you.

Katy said...

Molly, Matt, I continue to pray for you. I will be thinking of you even more when I hear that JJ Heller song on K-Love. I love that song too.

Mary L. said...

I found out about this blog from a friend on facebook, and I have been wondering how you all are doing since I read it. I cannot imagine this happening to you all, and the hurt you must feel. Is there any chance at all that the birthfather will allow you to have any type of relationship with Waverley? This whole situation really breaks my heart, and it feels so unfair for Waverely and you.

Janet said...

Still praying. Thank you for your post. Janet

JENNIFER said...

We are still praying for you daily, Matt, Molly, Harper and Waverley. I know our Father is protecting her in ways we can't even imagine or fathom. God is holding her Molly. He has her on his chest and under his wing. He is caring for her, nurturing her, comforting her in only a way that he can. She IS in his hands, as are you, Matt and Harper. I know you know all of this, but I just have to say it! I have a couple of verses that I found when praying for Waverley a week or so ago: Isaiah 44:1-5. I LOVE these verses for her and for you, Matt and Harper. Also Jeremiah 31:3-9. I am praying God's promises over you guys. I look frequently on your blog to see how I can be praying for you all, so I am so grateful for the posts. I am so sorry for your hurt. I wish it would all go away! BUT GOD is not finished. He is still working. As unclear, and painful, as it is this side of heaven, man.... God's got a big purpose for all of this.
love to you guys,
ally stouse- I am friends with Jade Van Slyke and Angela Horton... just for a point of reference.

Anonymous said...

Matt and Molly,
Just a note to say that we have been following your journey and praying. Matt and Michele Thiessen

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Oh Molly... would you believe that I was listening to this EXACT song on the radio the other day... thinking of YOU, how it applied to YOU, and how difficult it must be to believe the sentiments conveyed by the lyrics. I just simply don't have any words to say because I can't even allow my mind to try to comprehend what you must be going through. I get physically ill when I do. Just know that not a day goes by that I don't think of you and pray for you. Even as I drove home from a late night grocery store run last night, without even thinking, I caught myself silently calling out to God saying "redeem their suffering, Lord, redeem it soon."

Love and prayers!


P.S. I MEANT what I said on my phone message to you! Just say the word, friend :)

Him, Me, Wee 3 said...

I have been staring at my screen for the last 5 minutes with so many thoughts running through my mind that I have been unable to form a complete thought. Tonight is my first night coming across your page. I have been reading for over an hour and my heart just breaks for your family. I cant even begin to imagine the pain... Im so sorry.

little things said...

My heart is breaking for Waverly & your family...Life seems so unfair...How can she understand what's happening...
We lost our foster daughter after 18 mon. to a poor situation...she was devastated & so were we...I used to pray that God would send His angels to her to comfort her...We stayed in contact with her & her family which was possible because we had her was hard to see her struggle..we had each other & she was alone...In the end after 15mons she came home to us by the grace of God...She has healed in amazing ways but I still don't understand why it had to happen to her but we did learn to put her in God's hands...whose Hands she never left..

Linnea said...

My heart hurts for you. I cant imagine how much your heart hurts. I am sorry. I feel awful. I look at my son and think My God it would kill me if he was not here. I pray for peace. That song is so perfect so beautiful. I have no words, I am so so sorry.

Be blessed


Mira's mom said...

Still praying daily.

Sarah said...

Continuing to keep you, Matt, Waverly and Harper in my prayers. Sarah

Christie said...

You are incredible. I love this song, love how God is using you, and love that I can say I know you. Still praying for you and your family.
Love, Christie

Lorie said...

HEllo Molly,

I learned of your blog through my DIL - a Holy Trinity connection. I am lifting you and your entire family up in prayer before God's thrown. I have been following your story for a while. I encourage you to enter into God's rest in this realm. Hebrews 4:10 tells us that he that is entered into God's rest, has ceased from his own works, as God did from His, thus we are to enter into God's rest. Remember that Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice because of The Fathers Love for this world and Jesus operated always in LOVE. Love this family as you love Waverly. God always operates within the realm of LOVE. I am lifting you and your family up and will continue to do this. God LOVES each of you more than you know. Thank you for sharing MOlly. Trust in God's love - He is always faithful! We love you!

kdn said...

Tears. Just tears for now.

I love you Mol.

Pipsylou said...

still thinking of you guys. just wrote a blog post and you were on my mind when i was writing it.

Sonya said...

Always stopping by here for updates--always praying. Love you guys.

Sonya & Max

Robyn Self said...

Aching for you. Praying for comfort and love to embrace you.

Jodi B said...

Matt & Molly. I don't know you personally but heard your story through some friends (the Boyers and the Kings) many months ago. I simply can't explain how my heart breaks for you. I love reading the updates, but then I hate them...because it makes my stomach turn for what you're going through. Please know that my specific prayer for you is not only one of comfort, peace and healing but that one day God will truly reveal the why behind this and how it worked for His glory. And every now and then, I pray that He will change the dad's heart and mind and he'll decide Waverley should live with you after all. You guys are examples of true disciples and I know God will reward you.

Sonya said...

Continuing to pray for you guys. Just know that you are loved and not forgotten.

Sonya and Max

Mira's mom said...

Still praying!

Deanna said...

Just popping in to let you know that I still pray over this situation daily!!!

Erin and Roger Bell said...

Still thinking about you guys and checking in. wondering. praying.

Janet said...

I have no idea if you are still checking messages here - but I wanted you to know I am still praying for you and thinking of all of you often.

Janet said...

I hope you found some peace in this beautiful Easter Day. Still thinking of you and your family. Janet

Allyson said...

Praying for you guys. You have are still on our minds. ally

Anonymous said...

Still praying for you all. You haven't been forgotten.

I also have another song recommendation. I really find, "You were on the cross" by Matt Maher comforting.