Saturday, October 30, 2010

This is the post I've been hoping for 2 years to never have to write. I'd rehearsed it and planned it over and over in my head so many times praying I'd never have to write the words, but here it goes. Yesterday morning the Kanas Supreme Court handed down their decision in our adoption case with Waverley, and it was not good. They have reversed both the Court of Appeals ruling as well as the District Court's ruling. I had to read it over and over again thinking surely I read it wrong and even though I new I hadn't, it still took a call from our attorney before I realized what had happened. The bottom line is that in a couple of weeks we will lose our daughter, Waverley. There are very few, if any options left for us to change this ruling and even pursuing an appeal to the US Supreme Court will not change the fact that Waverley will be taken from us in a very short time. Right now, as you can imagine, we are in a state of shock. Although we've known all long, for 2 years, that this was a possibility it seemed less and less likely as time went on. To think that our family will go from 4 to 3 is just not something we're able to wrap our minds around. It seems so impossible. Yet, there is a growing realization that our time together is now limited. These are some of the last times we will hold her. Some of the last times we will here her say her funny phrases. Some of the last times we will hear her laugh, and cry. Some of the last times we will see her and Harper playing and laughing together...and it's starting to sink in along with the realization that our future looks very, very different then we thought it would.

There's a realization as we spend these times together as a family that we are getting ready to enter a really dark and painful place that will be dark and painful for quite some time and I feel like we are getting dragged there against our will, kicking and screaming - on the inside at least. With all of this, I still feel a sense of thankfulness. We have amazing friends and family that we know will walk through this with us. That will carry us, support us, pray for us, hold us, and make sure that we find the other side of this one day. We also do still maintain that while we don't understand why things are unfolding like this God is still sovereign and loving and will sustain us through this as well. I'm not sure how you make it through things like this without that part of yourself, that faith and knowing that He does restore and redeem even from the darkest place and injustice.

We've got quite a bit more to say about this situation, about faith, about adoption, about many things, but for now this is about all we can write. Hopefully, we're able to share more on this blog as time goes on, but we're not making any promises. There's quite an unknown ahead of us and we're not sure what the coming weeks will look like.

We know so many of you have been praying fervently for us during the last 2 years. Many of you have prayed with us and cried with us and supported is in so many ways. Right now, selfishly we would ask for your prayers once again. I have a sinking feeling that the struggle and pain of the last 2 years are going to pale in comparison to the weeks and months that lie ahead of us. So, we desperately ask for your prayers. First and foremost, please pray for our girls. This will unquestionably be the hardest on them. Without going into detail, I'm sure you can begin to imagine what it will be like for Wavy as she gets pulled from the only home she's ever known and enters a home that will be very different - most noticeably the fact that she won't have a mother - and she has an amazing one right now.  Please pray for her that her transition will be smooth, that she will be safe and that she will be loved.  There's a multitude of other prayers you can pray for her, but those are a few. Please pray for Harper. As hard as this will be for Molly and I, at least we know what's going on. I'm not sure what this will be like for a 4 year olds heart and mind. Pray that God will protect her and shield her from as much of this as possible, pray that he will give her understanding beyond her years. Pray that she will be able to express her feelings to us in ways that we can understand, and pray that she will feel safe and secure and know that she will always be with us.  Pray also that we can find some excellent counsel that will help her and help Molly and I help her. Please pray for Molly and I as well. Pray that we will cling to each other and support each other especially in the coming weeks and months. Pray that we will be good parents to Harper - that we are patient, kind, and understanding of her and pray especially hard over the next several days and weeks. I wish I could tell you I knew what the plan was and how this was all going to go down, but we know very little other than it will all happen in less than 30 days as ordered by the court. We will try keep people updated through this blog as we're able to, but please, please keep us in your prayers.

I so wish I could have written a different post. We so desperately wanted to share that God had answered our prayers as we had asked them too and that we would be throwing a big party. I so wish that. Thank you everyone for everything you've done for us and all the ways you've walked along side us these last 2 years. There are a few things that I will sweetly remember about this journey and that is definitely one of them.

Matt & Molly


Barbara said...

Matt and Molly,
As with most everyone else, it is very hard to know what to say, but, please know that we are hurting with you, that we love you, and that we will be praying for you during this very hard time ahead of you. May God make Himself nearer and dearer to you than He ever has before!
He gives more grace when the burdens grow greater, He sends more strength when the labors old you've surely never heard, but we will pray that He will send more grace than you ever imagined! Our love, Barb and Larry

Doublemint Designs said...

I've been checking your blog faithfully every day since the last Peaceful Days posts, and praying so hard that this would go in your favor. Words cannot express how truly sorry I am for you, Molly, Harper, and your precious Waverly. I will never understand how this ruling came to be. Continued prayers will be coming your way, from a stranger in Derby, KS.

Anonymous said...

We send you love and love and love. Oh, the heart break. Complete heart break. The prayers are strong and continued.

Kim said...

I am so sorry. May God's peace and grace surround you all. May God protect Waverly and may she feel the love you have shown her in the days to come. I will continue to pray for you all in the days to come.
In His Grace,

Kim Johnson

nikki said...

tears drip to my laptop as i read your heart is broken. you have my thoughts...and my love.
nikki (goodwin) anderson

Jinny Newlin said...

My heart is broken for you. We found your ruling, earlier today, and were just praying that it couldn't be. Surely not, but then, you posted that it was so. How can this be? I'm so sorry. How could the courts have failed you so deeply?

May God give you all a supernatural strength that can only come from Him, a peace that surpasses all understanding, a healing that binds every wound, a love so loud that you can hear angels sing, and a bright future that is full of hope. We love you, Matt, Molly, Harper, and Wavy.

Lori! said...

Matt and Molly-
Our hearts simply break to hear this devastating news. There are no words to express the sadness and grief we feel for your whole family. We'll keep praying that God will wrap his arms around all of you.

Lori White

Danielle @ Living Out Loud said...

Like everyone else, I simply don't know what to say. I have cried a thousand tears since yesterday afternoon, waking up this morning with swollen eyes and a completely broken heart. I simply cannot begin to imagine the tears and heartbreak you have endured and will continue to endure.

I wish there was something I could do. Something that would effect a different outcome. Something that would make this go away and keep that sweet baby in your loving care forever.

But I know that there is nothing I can do, but pray. Be assured of our continued prayers for each and every one of you. I stand in awe of your faith during this time. I know God's plan is perfect, but I am completely failing to understand (or even trust) any bit of it in this circumstance. I am grateful for the promise of eternity for it brings the certainty that some day, you will spend forever with Waverley.

Please, please, please let us know if there is anything we can do. Your sweet family has not left my mind, even for a second ever since I found out this news. I will continue to cry out to God asking him to flood you with the grace to sustain you.

I am so, so sorry.

Much love and many, many prayers,
Danielle & Family

Krista said...

Molly-- I don't even know you but my dear friend, Nikki, sent a few close friends an email regarding this and I, too, sit on my couch now crying. My words will do nothing to comfort you, but my heart aches with yours. I cannot see or even imagine God's goodness in a situation like this, but I've said many times if we don't have that basic belief that God is good, we don't have much. I will hang on to that-- desperately and pray you will be able to as well.
Grace and HOPE,
Krista Sanders

Elizabeth said...

I have no words that can fully express my feelings for your family right now. You have been in our nightly prayers for well over a year now, you were my prayer intention at mass this morning and will continue to be in our prayers in the days, weeks and months ahead. May you be comforted in some small way by the words and actions of your family and friends and be wrapped in the warmth of God's love for you.

God Bless,

Janet said...

Matt, Molly, Harper and Wavey,
You do not know me, but I have been following your case for some time. I was devastated when I heard the ruling, and cannot begin to imagine how you are suffering. Please know that I will continue to pray for all of you.


Wes & Rachel Taylor said...

Molly, Matt & Harper, I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that no words can make the pain less, but as I read your post through my tears the thought came to mind that the first 2-3 years are the most formidable years in a child's life. Waverly is lucky to have had y'all for that important time, and she is so much better off than she would have been without your parenting. I will pray for the 4 of you thru this difficult transition, & I will pray that the wonderful skills you've given Waverly over the last 2 years will serve her well during this time. Love, Rachel (Jumper)

cody said...

Matt and Molly:

You do not know me, but I have been praying for you these past few months since I heard of your situation from my sister in law. I am an adoptive mom of two and I simply cannot imagine what you are going through. The pain I am sure is more than it feels possible to bare. I have been praying constantly for you since Friday that the Lord would give you His supernatural strength to face the days and months ahead of you and praying that He will somehow heal your hearts and bring hope to you for the future. Lastly, I am pleading with God to do a miracle in this situation.

We will continue to pray for you and your girls in the days, weeks and months to come.

With love in Christ,
Cody Newcome

Jess said...

This is Jessica from the "UnGroup". I am so absolutely heartbroken for you. I cannot stop thinking and praying for your family. I want to ask everyone I know to be praying for you, but I also want to respect your request not to link your blog. I am so glad someone shared it with me. I have been updating myself on more of your story and crying at so many words of your past. My thoughts, tears and prayers are with you.

Love, Jessica

Jami said...

Matt and Molly -

My dear friend Jess told me about your situation and after reading your story today, my heart is broken for your family. I can't begin to wrap my brain around this! Being an adoptive mama too, the shock, the pain you must be feeling. I just want to cry out for you and will call out to our Father. Is there anything else we (my hubs and I) on your behalf. Can we advocate for you? Is there someone - a judge, a state representative that we could write a letter to?! Praying for peace, comfort, a miracle, and for strength!

Ashley said...

Two families on opposite ends of the earth, same circumstances. So heartbroken for you. Praying all wisdom, peace, strength, hope over you...


cari said...

I sure do love you guys.

mrs. r said...

hugs and prayers.

fellow contested adoption survivor here.


Erin said...

I am praying day and night for you all. Even in my dreams last night, I kept waking up with your sweet daughter's name in my mouth and on my heart. We will continue to pray for you regularly in our home. May God do miracles in this next month.

he came up with the title but... said...

Hold on to the truth you said in this post: God is still sovereign and loving and will sustain us through this as well.

He is the greatest Mystery. Who knows the ways of the Lord? But He is also the greatest Lover of Waverley. We grieve with you and pray for the Comforter to be with you in a mighty way. He will come.

Tom & Leah Blake

Chris and Diane said...

matt, molly, harper, and waverley - since hearing your heartbreaking news i haven't yet been able to think of how to possibly respond. i am certain there are no words that will truly be appropriate, but we try. i cry out for and with you to the One who knows the whys and the how in the worlds. i plead with Him for miracles more inventive than any we can possibly imagine. i wonder at what the good is He promises there will be - and as i picture a thousand scenarios i can only settle on how precious wavy is to Him and how precious each of you is to Him. and how His hand is capable of holding each of you through this devastation that He knew was coming from before the day wavy was even conceived. may this journey be another thousand days and more. may you find peace wrapping you up when you can barely breathe for the pain. may harper and wavy know how to love beyond deeply because of the life you have poured into them and the imprints you have made in their hearts. may you always have each another in some way or another...though i am asking our Holder of Hearts that it be in an intimate, daily way.

much love to each of you, diane and chris wiebe (still praying you through your nights)

Desq09 said...

This is so terribly sad, for Waverly especially, that she will be taken from the only family that she has ever known. But, I can't help but think that you have helped create this mess. When this child's natural parent, her father, said he wanted her, that she was taken from him illegally, she was only 2 months old. She should have been returned to him then, and she'd never have known the difference. I know you think you're a better family for her, and objectively speaking, I'm sure you are. But we can't take children away from their natural parents just because there are better options. It was never for you to decide, and that this change will be traumatic for her is something that you are very much responsible for.