Here we go...

Well, we've intended to update everyone much sooner on what happened in court yesterday, but the last 24 hours or so have been very trying and I think much harder that we had anticipated. While we've known since the Supreme Courts ruling what would likely happen we've still been holding out hope. Hoping that something would change, hoping that this wouldn't play out the way we feared, hoping for a miracle. Yesterday seemed to bring the realization that a miracle was not coming, and why we didn't expect it, we did hope for it and feeling that hope slip away has been hard - hope is an incredibly powerful thing.

Walking you through the details of yesterday would take pages and pages but I'll try and give the high points and keep it brief. Going in we had hoped that Judge Sheppard would take our expert witness and her transition plan as well as the expert from the other side and come up with a healthy transition plan for Waverley into the home of one of her natural parents. From the times that we were before Judge Sheppard I have felt that he really did have Waverley's best in mind, however after yesterday, I think I may have misjudged him. At this point it probably wouldn't be fair to go into the details ( I may in another post, later though) but he essentially washed his hands of the whole thing and did very little in keeping Waverley in mind, although he had the authority to do so. It was very disappointing. I don't know that I was fully jaded on or legal system even after the Supreme Court's ruling, but I am now after seeing yesterday play out.

We now have, at least for the next couple of weeks, some clarity on what this transition will look like. For the next couple of weeks we will have daily (court ordered) visitations with Waverley's biological father. The first of these will take place at our home with the visits eventually taking place in his home with the idea that Waverley would be fully transferred into his custody towards the end of this month.

Now, there is a possibility that this plan could change some as there is a separate custody hearing on January 10th where a different district court Judge will determine which of the natural parents would get ultimate custody of Waverley and what that might look like.  I know, I know, you can't make this stuff up. That's about all we can share on this part, but that is another date we would be asking everyone to pray for as it will determine a huge part of Waverley's future.

This is it. The time we've been dreading since we heard back from the Supreme Court. The reality that we will be losing our daughter could not be made any clearer. Having a judge read a court order has the effect of making everything very real. So, on Saturday, January 1st we begin walking this road of transition. I know we've asked so many times for your prayers, but we ask again that you pray for us as we walk this next leg of our journey.  As always, pray the best for Waverley - that God's will be done for her in court on the 10th and that he puts her in the best possible situation for her future. Pray that this transition goes surprisingly well for her and that it isn't traumatic for her. Pray for Molly and I that we are able to be kind and gracious in the face of all of this and that Waverley will have a sense of security and not a sense of fear over the next few weeks. And, for all of you that still want to, you can pray for a miracle. I don't see where there is a possibility for one, but I'm sure anyone that's experienced a miracle felt that way - otherwise it wouldn't really be a miracle. Right?

Thank you all for praying for us throughout this whole journey. Thank you for fighting along side of us in this, for helping to bear our burden. You have no idea the encouragement you all have been through this.

We will continue to keep you posted....

A Long Day Ahead

Tonight as we wind down around home another big day of court looms ahead of us tomorrow. In all likelihood we will be in court for most of the day tomorrow and should have a sense of how the transition from Waverley out of our home and into a birth parent's home will go. We're honestly a little skeptical and jaded with the court process. Things always take longer than the court anticipates, things get delayed, and we typically leave with more questions than answers and continuing future of unknowns. That looks to be different tomorrow as the judge has stated that he intends to finish the matter of coming up with a plan for the custody transition. We'll see. Both our hope and our fear is that the court will finally make a clear plan for the next phase of this journey.  As you're thinking of us tomorrow, here are a few specific things you can be praying for.

 - Again, over everything else, we are praying that the court will come up with a plan that is best for Waverley as she goes through this process.
- Please pray for Judge Sheppard. We believe that he really does care about what's best for Waverley and understands that this is about the welfare of a child. We're praying that he sees the situation clearly and is able to do what is best for Waverley from here on out within the bounds of the law.
- Please pray for Kevin, our attorney. We're praying he gets good rest tonight and is sharp for court tomorrow and articulates our position well. Also, pray that he finds favor with Judge Sheppard.
- Pray for us. If the court really does hold to getting this done tomorrow, it will be a very long day. If I could briefly explain how awful an experience district court is I would - so suffice it to say - it's awful. Pray also for Molly as she will be testifying in court tomorrow - that she is able to say all that she wants and needs to say.

As always, we can't thank you enough for all your prayers and encouragement - especially on these exceptionally hard days. Despite how difficult these days are, there is an amazing comfort in knowing that we don't stand alone in all of this and that there are so many people fighting with us in this.

Here We Go Again

You may remember a post from a couple of weeks ago about going back to court.  It was heavy and dramatic but heartfelt.  I said it would be the last time we went and that Waverley's future would be decided in that room.  And the we went.  And nothing happened.


Wednesday, December 29th we go back.  The agenda is the same as it was before.  It seems that we will find out the exact details of how and when we will lose our daughter.  However I am fully aware that since October 29th I have been expecting to learn those exact things on a daily basis.  So we will see.  


In the meantime here is a little link to that last post about going to court.  The prayer requests are the same.  We would so love your prayers between now and then as well as when we are sitting in that awful room.  We start at 10:30 and have "all day."  Experience has taught me that "all day" can mean just that or it can mean about two hours.  So again: we'll see.  Do I sound jaded?  I am.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas...

...let your heart be glad.

Today my family celebrated its last Christmas as a family of four.  I am going to highlight some of my favorite parts of the last few days here.  In random order:


1.  Sitting on the hearth in front of the fire this morning, with a daughter on each side.  Matt read the Christmas story while the girls and I listened and held hands.  I was appreciating the tenderness of the moment when Matt read, "and Mary treasured these things in her heart." And I felt just the tiniest possible fraction of what Mary must have known.  That she had someone special in her care that wasn't really hers to keep forever.  And that her child belonged to God.  And that God was in charge of her child's future.  And the moment was bitter and ugly and as sweet as could be all at the same time.

And that is where my similarity to Mary and Waverley's similarity to Jesus start and stop!!


2.  At one point today the girls were playing nicely with their toys, Matt and I were sitting in the living room with them drinking coffee, and the dogs were laying in front of the fire.  We were all home, and calm, and happy.

3.  I had two little girls this Christmas.  They both called us Mommy and Daddy.


4.  Poor Matt.  He had been saying his eye felt weird for a couple of days.  He had also mentioned food didn't taste right.  On Christmas Eve he woke up and told me he couldn't move half of his mouth, his eyes weren't blinking at the same time, one wouldn't close right.  We went to the emergency room to find out he has Bell's Palsy which is a viral infection in the nerves that control your face that can cause temporary facial paralysis.  He is a little miserable with one eye that won't close and slurred speech, but will start to get better in about three weeks.  He has had a great attitude about the whole thing.  This is all building up to one of my favorite moments of the day -- I was trying to get Wavy dressed and she kept running off from me.  Matt walked by and told her she needed to obey her mom and gave her a small swat.  Wave watched him walk away then looked at me gravely and said, "That pirate just spanked me."  Matt has been wearing an eye patch that she hadn't commented on before or since.  It was awesome.


5.  My husband looks a little bit like this guy right now.

6.  We had wonderful times with Matt's family, my family, and together just the four of us.  After thinking so hard about what to get the girls it was fun to see their favorite things.  Harper is obsessed with her new scooter (a skateboard with a tall handle).  For some reason she is calling it a motor bike.   Wavybel loves two baby dolls and a little stuffed dog the most.  She named her pup Parsley although it looks nothing like our real dog.  Right now she is in her crib telling her new friends stories and singing to them.  I am grateful to hear her sweet voice.  

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

What you can learn about us from this picture:


1. Harper and Wavy would rather sit next to each other in one chair than be forced to sit apart.  There are three empty chairs at the table while they dine from this one.


2.  We just got a dog. She sleeps in the kennel behind the chair.  We're billing it as Harper's dog hoping a friend to love and take care of will help her through this difficult time that is fast approaching.  She picked out the sweetest pup and named her Parsley.  Naturally.

3.  Our house is always a mess.  In the middle of the table you will notice a book, sweatshirt, and scarf.  It's the thing that makes me the craziest and that I never seem to improve on.


4.  The girls are happy.  Since the outcome is still being muddied by the court we don't know all of the answers about the timeframe.  So we have not told them what is going on yet.  That is the one of the two moments I am dreading the most.  For now though, they are blissful and content.  We celebrated Christmas with my family yesterday.  New my little ponies for the girls, a small house for a tiny Angelina the Ballerina to live in, a camera for Harper, and a huge collection of princess Barbies to be shared.  Which is why I have to end this post.  Who can take a nap with so many exciting new things to be played with in the house? Not Waverley.

Just Waiting

We are still waiting to hear from the Supreme Court of Kansas to find out if they approve the motion to stop the clock while we settle everything in court.  


Once we hear from them we will set our next court date. 

well...

Since I posted last night... nothing has happened.

When we got to court this morning our trauma expert testified as to what she thought the transition plan should be.  She was the only person that gave testimony today.  A few things happened at that point that I keep typing, deleting, and retyping.  Ultimately I am deciding to leave this post somewhat vague.  Our time in court become somewhat complicated, and I don't have the presence of mind to sort it out in a way that makes sense due to being tired and stressed out, and I don't want to write something messy that isn't well thought out that I have regrets about later.

I do not want anyone to read into my words that our standing has changed.  Our adoption has been classified as "failed." That will not change going forward.  I am just trying to make this information readable.

One thing that I will say is that I believe Judge Shepherd does not estimate time well.  There is still much testimony to be given that we did not have time for.  That is one of the main reasons for this new delay.  My concern is that this will turn into a repeat performance of our first round of court that dragged on for weeks and weeks because we kept running out of time and would have to adjourn until a later date.  Each time we go to court with the expectation that we will walk away with answers.  Our hearts and emotions have been on this roller coaster for a long time! We feel quite fatigued at this point.

We do not have a new court date yet.  I don't know how soon we will have one.  Maybe when we have a new date I will just copy and paste yesterday's post :)

I am sorry if this post is frustrating.  I apologize.  Matt and I have reached the end of ourselves today.  He has gone to bed, and I think the only good option for me is to crawl down the hall and into bed too.  I will update as soon as there is anything to relay.

Thank you so much for the support and encouragement so many of you offered to us today through comments on this blog, facebook posts and messages, texts, emails, and phone calls.  It really helped to rally us through this morning.  We are, as always, most grateful for you.

facing tomorrow

Tomorrow, Tuesday December 14th at 8:30 we go to court for the last time.


Some of the worst hours of our lives have been spent in court rooms over the past two and a half years.  


We won't leave the courthouse until the transition plan is in place.  Tomorrow we will know everything.  The fears that have plagued us will finally have a shape and form.  We'll know an exact date.  Details will be in place.  A judge, two lawyers, and trauma and attachment experts will calmly agree on a plan that removes our baby from our home while Matt and I sit at a table and listen.  I'm pretty sure tomorrow is the official start date of our own private hell.


What I am hoping is that tonight and tomorrow you all will pray for this process.  


Tomorrow we are back before Judge Shepherd.  I pray that he is haunted by the need to do what is best for this little girl.  I pray that he would not be worried about his job or the fact that his decision has been overturned.  I pray that the need to be for Waverley would take up his every thought.  


I pray that the birthfather's lawyer would feel satisfied that he has reached his career objectives as far as our case is concerned and start to focus on the little girl whose life is being uprooted.  I pray that his conscience would overcome him and that he would not stand in the way of doing what is right for our little girl.  I pray that he would not be on his game tomorrow.  That things would slip by him, that he would be distracted, that he would not get in the way.


I pray for our lawyer Kevin Kenney.  I pray that he is sharp, focused, and has more determination than he has ever had about anything in his life.  I pray that his position, his questions, presentation, and demeanor all gain the judge's favor.  


Finally, I pray for things I cannot share in the public forum as this site actually comes up quite easily now when you search for our names.  Which is absolutely fine by us.  We just feel a need to censor sensitive information.  I ask that you would pray for these things anyway! Please pray for the best imaginable outcome; for miracles; for Waverley.


Our time in court is open-ended.  At some point tomorrow afternoon or evening I will post to let you know tomorrow's outcome.  Thank you so much for the comfort you provide us.  I know that people read this and that people pray.  Thank you for caring about our daughter.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

On Monday we learned that our Motion to Reconsider had been denied.  We were hoping that even if we lost the motion, the supreme court would change some of the language in the ruling.  They did not.  Adoption law is now worse off than it was because of our case.

Monday started our 30 days.  We have 30 days or less before custody has to be transferred.

By January 4th someone who is a stranger to Waverley will be her new parent.

She will no longer live in our home.

We will no longer be her mommy, daddy, and big sister.

Please pray for our Wavy. The clock is ticking while we scramble to complete and put into practice a transition plan for her that the court will approve.  Our trauma therapist that is helping to develop and present this plan is upset that the court would think 30 days (or less) is an acceptable timeframe to start and finish a transition of this nature.  Besides being devastated we are extremely stressed as we try to this in the best possible way for Wavybel.

Please pray that Judge Shepherd will make the right choices for Wavy when we present our transition plan to him.

Please pray that we will use the right words when we try to explain this to our girls in the next few days.

Please just pray.

Thank you.

(THIS IS NOT) A Cautionary Tale of Woe

I would just like to take a second to let you know where we stand on adoption.  I have said things along this line before, but I would like to bring it up again now that unless something radical changes, we have lost our youngest daughter.  

Adoption is a beautiful way to build families.

It is a wonderful and lovely institution.

We believe that to be true of adoption in all of its forms.

One of my fears all along has been that readers of this blog or people that hear our story would shy away from adoption.  Since it is an unknown to most people they might be inclined to latch on to our story as a deterrent.  Well you do not have my permission to do that with this story.  In every life circumstance terrible things can happen.  I don't know anyone who has decided not to try to become pregnant because someone they knew had a miscarriage.  I don't know anyone who has decided having children isn't worth it because of the possible heartache of childhood illness.  I don't know many people who refuse to ride in cars because they are aware that car accident fatalities exist.  My point is that the wrong thing happens sometimes, but please don't be scared of the institution at large because you know our story.


Adoption was never a second rate option for us or a last resort.  We consider it as good in every way as bearing biological children.  We were parents that needed children who got together with children that needed parents.  I would encourage anyone who is interested in the same to pursue adoption as a wonderful way to grow their family.  


I just wanted to communicate our position.


Thanks for listening.


Molly